Love Potion
by Kiarene
Summary: Complete [Yaoi] A deception gone awry. AU. Angst, sap, some NCS.
1. Radditz' POV

Author:              Kiarene

Pairings:            Radditz/Vegeta

Warnings:            AU, yaoi, drug abuse, bit of angst, bit of sap

Disclaimer:            Don't own DBZ

Published:             13th April 2003

Archive?             Please ask first 

Many thanks to Lully for picking over any mistakes and helping me work through the tangled motivations. Credit for the snappy title goes to her as well; I was going to call this 'Fun with Pharmaceuticals' or something as corny.  

'…thoughts...'

~

…flashbacks of another scene… 

~

Love Potion 1 

_Grind together three flowers of belladonna, three earliest unfurled leafs of erythroxylon and root of the papaver. Add a dash of testosterone and musk of the Saiyajin tail.___

"It was a good training session, ouji-sama." 

"Hn." He turned his head to look at his taller guard, raking a hand through the tangles of his sweat-soaked upswept hair. "You should have taken part today."

"Uh…" Radditz smiled nervously, hoping Vegeta would buy his excuse. "I pulled a calf muscle yesterday and I didn't want to tear it further." 

"Hmph." Vegeta's tone was derisive as he snorts. They came to a stop outside his personal quarters. He placed his hand on the indigo-gray scanner and the heavy door slid open silently. "You seem all right to me." 

Radditz swallowed, racking his brain for a reply. Luckily for him, Vegeta was more interested in getting clean than he was in his bodyguard's pulled calf muscle. He started peeling off his soaked training outfit as he strode to his room. "Get me a drink, Radditz." 

"Hai." Radditz tore his eyes away reluctantly from the tempting sight and walked over to the water dispenser in the kitchenette. As the prince, Vegeta had a luxurious suite of rooms, including a small but well-stocked kitchenette, a personal training room and even his own regeneration tank. Glancing over his shoulder as he filled a glass of cold water, he noticed the tip of a royal tail disappearing past a doorframe. 

Quickly, he took out a small cylindrical container from a pocket in his armor and removing the glass from the dispenser, he squirted something into the half-filled glass. Pocketing the container, he took a cautious sniff of the water. Good, it was as odorless as the old man assured him it would be. He filled the glass to the brim and carried the water to the bathroom. 

Inside the spacious tiled bathroom, Vegeta had already stripped off his clothes and was busy in front of a mirror examining a couple of bruises on back of his shoulder. Radditz's pulse quickened as he got a splendid eyeful; Vegeta's front was facing him as he twisted to look over his shoulder at the mirror, and the older guard's eyes roved greedily. 

He had seen his share of muscular bodies; they were a warrior race after all, but the prince was truly a beautiful specimen. He was not in his prime yet and already, he was the strongest Saiyajin on their planet. Though short and slim, his musculature was compact and balanced. He trained harder than any of the fighters under his command, and it showed in his chiseled muscles and the seasoned grace of his movements. 

'And utterly beyond my reach.' Radditz's thoughts took on the familiar tinge of resigned despair. 'But just for one night…' 

At the sound of his entrance, the royal turned to face him, completely relaxed about his glorious nudity. Accepting the glass, he drained the cool fluid in a smooth gulp and handed the glass back to his guard. Radditz watched him anxiously to see if he noticed anything wrong. 

"We'll go for dinner after I've bathed." 

"Hai." Radditz _wasn't _as nonchalant about the prince's nudity and was trying unsuccessfully _not _to stare at the prince's naked figure, but Vegeta apparently had not noticed as he stepped into the shower. The older male walked out of the steaming room a little unsteadily, his breathing faster than usual and his tail flicking about jerkily.

His current agitation was not only due to the sight of the nude prince, though that has always aroused him. 

Going over to the main door, he locked the setting to private and latched it as well. He also turned off the communication devices in the room, keying it to receive and record incoming messages only. It was fortunate that the prince was known to value his privacy and had often done this. Nobody would think anything was amiss. 

The rooms secured, Radditz sat down at one of the plush couches in the main room, his mind on his plan as his fingers sought out the small cylinder in his armor pocket, rubbing over it absently. Slowly, he shrugged off his armor, leaving him clad only in a tight pair of black shorts and his bracers. Taking out the vial, he tucked it into the small of his back in his shorts and hidden under his tail. He had thought it out carefully; he had made sure that nobody would disturb them that night. It was perfect; nothing could go wrong.

**~**

The shop came with the heartiest recommendations. He was initially doubtful when he stepped in; it was small and tucked away in one of the seedier quarters. Tinted jars containing various unidentifiable products covered the shelves and the first thing he noticed when he stepped in was the scents. 

_The most prominent scents were the bitter-fragrant smell of various dried plant parts, though he could make out the heavier musks that were more characteristic of products from animal origins and sharper acrid mineral tang as well. _

_An elderly male sat behind the counter, his eyes bright and piercing. "Something in particular you want, boy?"_

_Radditz kept his back to the shop owner as he pretended to peruse the products on the shelves, even though he had no idea what they were. _

_"Boy, the aphrodisiacs are on this side." _

_Radditz's flush deepened as he turned and shuffled over to the old man. "Umm…. How did you know…" _

_The elderly Saiyajin only smirked and laced his fingers in front of him on the countertop. His attitude was very matter-of-fact and businesslike as he proceeded to explain the herbs, seeds, horns and assorted tiny parts of exotic origins to an increasingly confused audience. _

_Sighing, the old man gave up and tapped a large jar beside him. "This is the most popular and good for beginners. Not too expensive. It lowers inhibitions and increases libido."_

_Radditz considered the pinkish fungus-like objects, wondering how exactly to phrase his questions. He had thought long and hard about this, and knew exactly what he needed. "Do you have anything that …" he gestured awkwardly, "…makes the other …think that it is probably all a dream later." _

_The old man impaled him with a too sharp and knowing look. "Ah. One of those sessions." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Just for an added experience to the sex, or for your safety?" _

_Radditz looked a bit shameful and the old man gave a quick bark of laughter. "Ok, this particular mushroom is good. Your partner will feel as if he or she is in a dream, but one where the sensations are particularly heightened. Unless they know that they were taking an aphrodisiac, they would think that it was all a vivid dream after they wake up."_

_The longhaired male nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, that is exactly what I need!" _

_"Male or female?" The elder asked casually as he reached for another jar.  _

_"Uh…male. Why? Is there a difference?"_

_"Oh, not in this case, though it matters for some other herbs." Wrinkled hands measured out a few purplish roots into a glass container. "It's just that with males, not only do aphrodisiacs lower their inhibitions, but most herbs also contain small amounts of testosterone or a similar compound, making him more aggressive. The mixture I'm preparing for you include such herbs. So if he's a dominant, I would recommend this other herb to soothe aches." _

_Radditz thought he couldn't get any redder. He hadn't considered that bit!  _

_"What? You don't know?" The old Saiyajin shook his head in exasperation. "Is he naturally aggressive? Likes to be in charge and in control?"_

_'Yeah… That certainly describes my prince all right…' Radditz nodded in resignation. Ah well, getting fucked was better than not getting any at all.  _

_To his surprise, the elder smirked and brought out a small jar. "Perhaps you would like to be on top instead." At the younger's eager widening of the eyes, he continued. "All you need to know about this particular leaf is that he will be positively kittenish."_

**~**

Radditz's groin stirred again just at the thought of Vegeta being kittenish. The cold prince had always been attractive and a head-turner, but ever since he came into his majority a few months ago, Radditz couldn't think of anything, anyone else. Thoughts of the arrogant royal consumed his waking thoughts and invaded his dreams.

The majority was a special turning point in a young Saiyajin's life when his body becomes fully sexually mature. It could take place anytime between the ages of fifteen to twenty, and was marked by the remaining growth spurt, taking place over the period of a few months. Vegeta had not grown any taller, though his chest and shoulders broadened noticeably, highlighting the girth difference between the upper torso and the hips. He often found his eyes traveling down the muscular back and roving over the slim camber of the curvy royal hips and butt; he had probably memorized each dip and curve of the prince's body by now. 

Vegeta's features had sharpened as the last remnants of childish characteristics and baby fat melted away, leaving a certain regal elegance and even refined delicacy. The most visible change was the loss of his bangs; he now displayed the prominent widow's peak that only a mature Saiyajin could possess. Radditz's eyes and attention had often wandered down to Vegeta's crotch as well; wondering just how much the royal matured in that department.    

The royal tail lengthened and became much heavier; the rich lush fur growing thicker and denser. And the ambrosial scent! A Saiyajin's tail acted as a sexual signaler as well; announcing his sexual readiness and virility and releasing enticing pheromones. And Vegeta's tail had certainly been broadcasting. Loudly.      

It was especially bad as he was the prince's personal bodyguard. To be forced to endure the presence of that lithe and luscious body clad in spandex at close range for many hours every day. To have to put up with that alluring scent and the sight of that tight ass whenever he trailed behind the prince. He suffered most whenever he had to help the prince bind his injuries after a particularly harsh training session; when he had to touch that silky warm skin and smooth muscles… 

Bringing out the smooth cylindrical vial, he stared at the thick glass and the clear liquid inside. The old man had then proceeded to grind and mix up the various herbs before extracting the fractions into a carrier solvent. The container dispensed the mixture in an easy aerosol delivery system without the risk of spillage. To his surprise, it was odorless. 

The old man had shot him a scornful look when he blurted out that comment. "Of course. The oils that give the herbs the smell aren't the same chemicals as the ones that are causing the aphrodisiacal effects. I simply extracted the fractions I needed."  

It had also been dreadfully expensive, costing him almost two weeks of his pay. Most of it went towards the 'special leaf', though the old man assured him that he would definitely get his money's worth. He had about enough for two sessions, maybe three. 

But he was determined not to skimp for the first time. Following the old man's advice, he had made sure Vegeta ingested some first. The drugs would take up to twenty minutes to affect him, hazing his senses and making him less wary. 

The sound of the shower spray stopped and Radditz bolted to his feet, his gut suddenly clenching painfully. When he had planned everything, he had been excited and confident and extremely aroused…  

Now, he was so nervous he felt like throwing up. Maybe he should just call it off… If he was caught, he will probably be castrated or executed for rape of the prince. And all for a night of pleasure. No, it was not worth it. There were so many ways he could foul up… 

Then Vegeta strode out from the bathroom, a fluffy navy towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hands as he toweled his hair dry. And Radditz's mouth went dry as his reservations and common sense abandoned him with just his raging lust and hormones to guide him for the night. 

"How do you feel," Radditz plucked up his courage. "…Vegeta?"

Vegeta turned towards him, a small frown on his face as he threw the towel into the laundry basket beside the bathroom door, but he did not rebuke the bodyguard for the easy familiarity. Radditz's hopes picked up. He moved his hand behind his back cautiously and curled his fingers around the precious cylinder tightly. 

Vegeta blinked, his eyes unfocusing for a moment as he walked towards his increasingly agitated guard, mumbling. "Hungry…" 

Radditz stiffened in delight; to anyone else, that behavior would not have seemed odd but he knew the prince well; Vegeta was never this dazed, not even when he just woke up, and he _never_ mumbled. Knuckling his eye, he gave a wide yawn, his sharp canines flashing cutely. 

"Shall I get you a snack from the kitchen, Vegeta?"

"Yeah." When Vegeta yawned again, he daringly raised his right hand and squirted the unsuspecting royal full in the face with the aphrodisiac. And then he waited with bated breath, incredulous at his own audacity, waiting for a tongue-lashing. 

"What's that …scent?" The younger male blinked, and then closed his eyes with a frown as he sniffed. Quickly again before he lost his nerve, Radditz sprayed him again. He then tucked the vial away; the old pharmacist had expressly warned him about the dosage. 

**~**

_"What's his weight?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"For dosage, baka!" The old pharmacist slapped his forehead in exasperation, his other hand shaking the cylindrical container. He had finished the preparations, and it didn't take as long as Radditz had feared. "Obviously if he was a heavy guy like you, he would required more of the aphrodisiac."_

_"About seventy." _

_The old man shot him a narrow-eyed, piercing look as he raked his eyes down the burly guard's body. "And you're at least a hundred and ten." He rapped the reddening guard sharply on the knuckles with the vial and a stern look. "He has reached his majority right?"_

_Radditz nodded sheepishly, feeling worse and worse under the disapproving glare. _

_"Three." _

_"Huh?" _

_"Th-re-eee." The old man held up three fingers. "Three sprays. No more, mind you."  _

**~**

"Nnngh…" Vegeta shook his head again, the frown still on his face as he sniffed. "What _is_ that scent?" 

Radditz gulped. Obviously the prince had keener senses than him; he was not able to smell anything at all. "Uhh… I'll go get you a snack."

The tall guard quickly retreated to the kitchenette, his heart thumping loudly. 'Shit, not good… not good at all…'

His mind reeling, he bent down and opened the chilled drawers to pull out some fruits. Suddenly, he felt a weight on his back, a chin on his shoulder and warm breath tickling his ear. "What's there?" 

Radditz tensed at the husky voice. A slim hand reached around him to grab at a couple of palm-sized yellow fruits. "I love mangoes…" 

Slowly, he turned around. Vegeta padded across the small room, his tail swishing and sat on the dining table. He blinked. The prince rarely let his tail swing free and he had _never _sat on the table. 

"What are you waiting for?" Vegeta cocked his head, a saucy smile playing on his lips as he started peeling the mangoes. With his teeth. Sinking his canines skillfully into one end of the mango, just enough to cut through the skin, he tore away strip after strip of the thin but rubbery tough outer covering. 

Radditz blinked again slowly, and then a smirk broke over his face. Shutting the chilled drawer close with the heel of his foot, he stood up and sauntered across to the dining table. Drawing up a chair, he sat down right in front of the young prince. 

"How's the fruit?" Radditz watched entranced as sharp, white teeth tore into the succulent yellow flesh. Occasionally, the tip of a pink tongue would dart out to lap at a stray trickle of juice on those tempting lips. 

"Sweet." Vegeta purred. "Want some?" 

Keeping his eyes on Vegeta's, the tall guard leaned forward and accepted the piece offered to him. The cool fruit was extremely plump and juicy, and thick liquid ran down the young prince's hand. Radditz swallowed the fruit, and when Vegeta's hand was slow to move away, he took one finger into his mouth. 

Vegeta froze for a moment, wide-eyed before he pulled his hand away. Casting his eyes downwards, he fumbled with the last bit of the fruit. Radditz growled softly, a low rumbling sound of arousal and excitement, as he caught the prince's wrist. Slowly, he leaned forward and took the small piece of fruit from unresisting fingers, his normally cool and shuttered eyes burning with the desire and lust he had to suppress for so long. "Vegeta…" 

He could feel a shiver ran through the younger male's body as he began to lave the royal hand, taking each of the slim fingers into his mouth, his hot tongue twining and laving and sucking each juice-covered digit before finally releasing it, and moving onto the next finger. 

The prince watched him, silent and eyes wide with obvious nervousness, though he did nothing to pull his hand away this time. Normally, Vegeta would not have allowed him such liberty. His tail lashed in uncertainty behind him, releasing wave after wave of arousal musk.

Smirking, Radditz stood up, his eyes never leaving the prince's face as his tongue now made its way down a sticky palm. The prince was small-sized for his age, though he always seemed to project a much bigger presence. Always so cold, always in control. 

'I want to see you lose that control, I want to see… no, I want _feel_ you let go…'

Dipping his head forward, he pressed his lips softly against the prince's, tracing the tip of his tongue along the full curve and licking at the sweet juice-stained lips. His free hand rested lightly on the slight curve of young hips, stroking lightly as he kept his attention focused on the prince's first kiss. The thought sent a possessive thrill through him. He _knew_ that the prince never had any sexual experience of any sort. Pushing away the nagging voice of guilt, he vowed to make this the most pleasurable night Vegeta had ever experienced. 

Pulling back a bit, he studied the glazed features with bemused pride. Vegeta's eyes are heavily lidded and a rare pink stained his high cheeks and the bridge of his nose. "Do you like that?"

"The kiss?" Vegeta's usual confident voice was just a tiny bit unsteady. "Yeah."

"Oh no…" Radditz purred as he slanted his head over the prince's again. "_This_ is a kiss." His tongue slid in as he kissed the younger male roughly, thoroughly. It was nothing like the prior tender touch; this was fierce and possessive. Searing and wet and primal. 

He felt, rather than heard, a low moan just before Vegeta returned the kiss, smaller hands cupping his face to draw in closer. It was a bit clumsy, a bit desperate, but it was passionately intense and if anything, the fervor and inexperience only aroused him yet further. 

His hands slid down to nudge slim thighs apart as he took a step right up to the edge of the table and pulled the ouji's hips towards him. Lips still locked and eyes closed, he was extremely aware of the slender body that was pressed tightly against his own. The prince's scent, spicy and musky and extremely aroused, wove around him and wended into his system like a drug. His nerves were tingling and he had never felt so alive, so _aware_ before… 

Yet, it also seemed like a dream. An utterly delicious dream that he did not wish to wake from. 

Never had he imagined that he would be doing this. He was just a lowly bodyguard; he was neither an elite by power classification nor was he a noble by birth. He was competent enough, though sometimes he wondered why the prince kept him in his employ, when Vegeta's power clearly exceeded his.  

It had started with an infatuation; he had noticed the young prince's growing attractiveness even before the teenager came into his majority. When Vegeta had finally reached that milestone that marked his entry into adulthood, the physical changes had hit him hard. Very hard. He was so grateful for armor with groin guards. 

Grinding their pelvis together, their erections rubbing together in a clash of painful ecstasy, he gave a groan of pure hopelessness, pure surrender. Tilting his head slightly, his canines grazed against the young swollen lips and the familiar metallic tang of blood flooded their mouths. Vegteta's blood was hot and sweet and utterly addictive, just like him. 

Somehow, Vegeta's loosely bound towel had fallen away in their frenzied movements. The only fabric that still separated them were his shorts, but somehow that made it all the more erotic. The material was thin, hugging every bulge and ridge like a second skin. The tight supportive elastic constrained his swollen shaft and throbbing balls deliciously, and the way the slick spandex slid across soft curls as they bucked was oddly exciting.   

He had told himself it was lust; pure animal lust. Just a little crush. He had tried everything. Training made him even hornier. Meditating was no help; he wasn't the calm, meditative kind anyway. Volunteering for long missions was not practical as he was supposed to be the prince's bodyguard. Besides, the one time his request was successful, he spent each successive day missing the prince more and more. Then he decided to go the other direction; spending as much time as he could with the royal, thinking that he might get bored after a while. 

It became worse. 

Figuring that it was a purely hormonal thing, he had tried to 'work' it off. He looked up old sex partners and frequented the clubs to pick up new ones. Females, males… He even tried a tall handsome green-skinned alien with no hair and two antennae, whose gender was certainly novel.  

Finally, he decided to confront his problem directly. Perhaps the simple fact that he _couldn't_ bed the sexy royal was the reason it made Vegeta all the more desirable in his eyes. 

A wave of shame flooded him again and he pushed the heavy guilt away. No! He _had_ to do it… He was going crazy. He had served Vegeta no Ouji faithfully all his life, and he would willingly lay his life down for his prince. Vegeta had everything; as the prince, he had wanted for nothing. And this would not harm nor diminish him in any way, if he doesn't know. 

But just this once… 

He had planned it carefully and agonized over it ever since that sinful thought struck him. The aphrodisiac was expensive but carefully chosen so that the prince would not remember anything the next day, except that of a kinky dream. 

All he was asking for was one night… 

His hands released the vice grip on slender hips, and roved up and all over a muscular back and tight butt, squeezing and caressing. Gods… He had dreamed about this, dreamed of running his hands unreservedly, worshipfully over the naked velvet warm skin. So smooth, so soft…  

Resolutely, he pushed the nagging feelings of guilt away, determined to simply savor this night. Nothing else matters but _now_. Just the two of them. Just the primal desires and carnal flames that licked hungrily within him. 

Smaller hands explored his shoulders and back lightly, almost shyly in comparison, weaving through his luxuriant mass of hair. 

Their world's sun was harsh and most Saiyajins were heavily tanned. He had never thought very much about his own skin, though he was really vain about his hair, but suddenly he felt embarrassed. His own complexion was swarthy and rough for his usual choice of battle suits left his limbs exposed to the elements, while Vegeta wore more protective clothing. The prince's smooth skin was lightly bronzed and satin smooth, glowing with the freshness of youth. 

When his questing hands came upon the base of a quivering tail, he paused for but a moment, and then ran his hands firmly and quickly through the lush fur. Nails raked sudden fire down his back as Vegeta arched back with a gasp, violent tremors ripping through the slender body. Radditz smirked wolfishly, and then bent forward to nip along the sensitive skin along the ouji's neck and shoulders even as he continued teasing the bristling tail. 

When he finally released the tail, the prince was shaking and limp against him. He purred softly as he stroked the younger's back soothingly. "All right?"

A soft sigh. "Oh gods…" 

Radditz gave a low chuckle as he continued rubbing the younger's back. "And it will only get better with practice." 

Vegeta turned his face up to look at him. "What will?" His face, usually tense and too serious for someone his age, was relaxed and open now. His midnight eyes were wide and soft, and full of something Radditz never thought he would see from the prince; utter trust. Without waiting for Radditz's reply, he buried his face against the broad chest again, rubbing his cheek and nose against the guard's broad chest as he purred. 

'Too adorable…' The older male groaned as he buried his nose into the soft upswept hair, inhaling the sweet musk. 'I wish he could be like this more often… but only around me…' He gave a low possessive growl as he pulled the lithe body closer, feeling something hard press against his painfully throbbing erection.  

'Hell, I can't wait.'

"Everything." Radditz smirked as he gently pushed the ouji back down on the table. Leaning over the slighter teen as he laid spread out, his growling purr grew louder with his desire to possess the prince. Slowly, sinuously, he laved a winding path down the trembling body, his vagrant hands roaming and mapping out the forbidden curves of such a tasty prize.

Just one night… 

He watched with hungry eyes as the prince writhed with abandon, savoring the soft sounds as he licked and swirled his tongue around the royal cock before abruptly taking him all in. Vegeta arched up with a sharp cry and he pushed jerking hips down roughly while he stayed still, relaxing his throat and purring strongly. 

All he was asking for was one night… 

Swallowing as he raised his head, he smirked at the dazed look on the teen's face. Slightly salty, slightly bitter and wonderfully creamy. Reluctantly, he removed his hands to step away but Vegeta had not noticed, eyes closed and face flushed as he breathed deeply. Quickly, Radditz crossed the room to where his armor lay discarded. In the snug pocket that was used to hold the vial of aphrodisiac was another small vial. Lubricant. He replaced the aphrodisiac and picked up the other bottle. 

"Did you enjoy that?" He grinned rakishly, unscrewing the small bottle as he walked back. 

Vegeta only purred, a wide smile on his face, his eyes heavily lidded. One eye opened a tad further as he sniffed curiously. "Banana?"

Radditz laughed. "I like flavored lubes."

Vegeta's brow crinkled as he tried to imagine. "What would you need flavored lubricants for?"

Radditz only laughed harder as he crouched over the prince again for another kiss. Vegeta knew about sex of course; he was a Saiyajin after all. Though it was obvious he only knew the basic theories. "You can be really cute, do you know that?" 

Vegeta pouted cutely and tried to push him off, but it was obvious he wasn't really angry. Radditz pulled the smaller body towards him and on to the floor, his tail curling around the slender waist. 

Settling himself beside the prince, he stroked the soft upswept hair as his eyes drank in every detail of the lightly flushed face and the lithe, supple body. His voice was a husky whisper as he traced gentle fingers along Vegeta's cheekbones and down his jaw line. "Beautiful, adorable, utterly desirable…"

He would cherish this stolen memory.

Just one night… 

Radditz sighed as he looked up at the elongated shadows on the ceiling. He did not know what time it was and neither did he want to find out. Vegeta was curled up beside him asleep and though he was sorely tempted to do the same, to wrap himself around the warm, purring body, he couldn't. 

He was physically sated. Totally exhausted. 

Somehow, they had ended up on the plush navy carpet in the main room. Somewhere along the way, he had turned off the lights; making out with only the pale light that streamed in through the large windows had seemed extremely sensual. And it was.

Vegeta was already asleep and he was on the verge of passing out, but his night wasn't over yet. 

Standing up tiredly, he picked up the slender prince in his arms and walked over to an adjoining room. Carefully, he placed the sleeping teenager in the regeneration tank and started a quick cycle. It would not do for Vegeta to wake up with a deep ache in an area he had never ached in before. As the tank filled up, he slumped down onto the hard chair beside the cylindrical tank and watched the rising green liquid with dull eyes.

Yet, he was not satisfied. He wished he had a regeneration tank to take away the hollow ache within _him_. He thought that if he had sated this carnal craving within him, this lust… 

But it was not just lust, was it? Once would never be enough, would it? 

He was a fool. 

He sighed heavily again, running his hand through his tangled hair. Fuck. He couldn't think about this now; his eyelids felt like lead and his mind felt like it was packed in wool. All he wanted to do was to collapse in bed. With a certain prince.

Shimatta!

He cursed silently and shook the tempting image out of his head, clutching his hair painfully. No, no, he could _not _think about that. He had his …fun, though fun was too trivial and flippant a word to describe the perfect night. He had not known what he was getting himself into when he set his plan into motion, but if he had the choice, if he had known…

…he would still do it again. 

The brawny guard stared forlornly at the blinking green figures on the tank console, running over and relieving the events of the night. He would treasure the memories. The coy smiles and lustful looks, the sweet purrs and soft cries. The feel of the warm, lithe body beneath his. The addictive royal musk. The softer tail twined trustingly with his own. 

He swallowed painfully. Because that was all he had. Memories. 

He had his night. Tomorrow, Vegeta will wake up and think it was all an erotic dream. Tomorrow, Vegeta will be the untouchable prince again and he will simply be the lowly bodyguard.

Wearily, he pushed himself off the chair to clean up the evidence.

tbc…


	2. Vegeta's POV

Author:              Kiarene

Pairings:           Radditz/Vegeta

Warnings:         AU, masturbation, bit more angst, bit more sap

Disclaimer:        Don't own DBZ

Published:         5th April 2003

Archive?            Please ask first 

Thanks to Lully for helping beta this!

'…thoughts...'

~

…flashbacks of another scene… 

~

**Love Potion 2**

_Decant squa regia into the cauldron. Carefully add more testosterone and teenage hormones to the volatile mixture. ___

Vegeta awoke the next morning with a hard-on. That was nothing unusual; morning erections had become increasingly common ever since he had reached his majority. For a few moments, he blinked dazedly, trying to clear the remnants of sleep from his head as he rubbed his eyes. Something was slightly off…

But why should it be? If anything, he felt good. 

Better than good; he felt _great. He stretched lazily, rolling about languorously and enjoying the sensual feel of silky sheets against his bare skin, shuddering in delight as his joints loosened and cracked. A languid puddle of relaxed muscles and fluffed fur. At the same time, he realized that he did not have a single ache from the rigorous training session the day before; he _was_ getting better._

'Was it because of that …dream?' He reddened as his nocturnal fantasy came back to him. 

He had experienced wet dreams before. Like the pesky morning erections, they had been increasing in frequency since he had reached his majority. However, this latest dream had been different. 

It was much more vivid, and so much more intense. His tail brushed out and a delightful shiver raced up his spine. _Ye Gods! It had been _extremely _intense.  He buried his heated cheeks against the cool fabric of his pillow as he fisted the silky, indigo sheets. What was also different about the dream was the fact that for once he had dreamt about a particular person. _

'Why him?' he groaned. Sex in his dreams had always been a nebulous feeling, a mystery lover, a vague sensation. Until last night. 

It was so vivid that it seemed real. 

Slowly, his hand crept down to wrap around his throbbing cock as he cast his mind back to the events of the dream. The young prince was simultaneously aroused and embarrassed; psychology was among the subjects he was required to study, and it was not at all difficult to interpret what such a dream meant. 

'Am I actually attracted to him?' His eyes were closed and he could almost imagine the brawny guard leaning over him, warm breath tickling his throat as sharp teeth and soft lips worked their magic down his neck. Goosebumps prickled his arms again as he remembered the delightful feelings and shivery sensations the expert touches had elicited. His hand stroked faster, his thumb rubbing over the sensitive slit. 

'Do I really want…?' He arched his hips up as his breath started coming in faster, shorter pants. He remembered wrapping his ankles behind the thickly corded neck, moaning wantonly as each hard thrust struck something wonderfully sweet deep within him. He remembered the large, strong hands gripping his hips, pulling him back to meet each stroke. He remembered begging for more…

His tail slid along his crack, the bristling fur dragging along the sensitive skin there as he spread his thighs and lifted his hips higher. His left hand was splayed and braced against the bed as he strained, his eyes tightly shut as he tried to grasp at the elusive peak he had attained so many times the night before. When the tip of the traitorous tail slipped in, the sudden spike of pleasure shoved him over that edge and he came with a hoarse groan. 

'Shit…' Vegeta cursed as he breathed heavily. He _didn't want to think about what all that meant. He didn't want to psychoanalyze himself when he hadn't even gotten out of bed. He was too afraid of what the conclusion might be. He just wanted to pass out after such an intense orgasm. _

But he had classes. He opened bleary eyes to look at the alarm beside his bed. 

And he had overslept. 'Shitshitshit.' He rolled out of bed, intending to take a quick shower, when he realized the other thing that had been bothering him. 

No annoying wet spot.

His bed was dry, despite a night of the most erotic and intense wet dreams he had ever experienced. Unconsciously, he rubbed his right hand over his stomach, smearing the sticky patch there. Frowning slightly, he padded over to his bathroom. 

-----

The rest of the day was awkward. Vegeta couldn't look at Radditz without remembering his dreams, and as his bodyguard, Radditz often accompanied him everywhere, the exception being when the prince had to go to his classes. Radditz' room was connected to his apartments as well and they often ate together. 

When Vegeta walked out to the kitchenette for breakfast, the tall guard was already seated at the table. At the side of the table… where…

Vegeta blushed hotly as certain scenes replayed in his mind. _Shimatta!_ He slowed down, trying to dispel the flushing in his cheeks and smooth his puffed tail as he breathed deeply. What was wrong with him? He felt so warm and excited, and he could tell that his heart rate had sped up slightly. 

Vegeta kept his head down as he sat opposite his bodyguard, but his eyes kept flickering to the tall Saiyajin. Radditz paused in mid-chew and glanced up from his plate, a strange look on his face. "Good morning, ouji-sama."

"Hn." Vegeta helped himself to the heaped platter of flat cakes. Ok, he was getting his bodily reactions under control. 'Just keep breathing deeply, evenly… Don't think of anything but the food…'

There was a pause, and then Radditz asked hesitantly, "Did you sleep well?"  

"O..of course!" Vegeta's eyes snapped up, his cheeks reddening further. 'Does he know? Did I make any noise last night?' He wasn't worried about being caught having a wet dream, but he _was mortified at the possibility that he __could have called out the guard's name. _

"Good," Radditz said softly and then went back to his food. 

The rest of the day was just as uncomfortable. 

Even though Radditz did not have to accompany him to his classes, he could hardly concentrate at all. His mind kept wandering to that vivid dream and what it could possibly mean. At the back of his mind, he had the nagging feeling that there was something he was missing: that something was not quite right. But however hard he tried, he just couldn't figure out what it was. 

Vegeta found himself observing his faithful bodyguard in a different light that day. He had not really thought about Radditz in a sexual way before; actually, he had never viewed anybody in that way. But he figured that he must be subconsciously attracted to Radditz; why else would he dream about Radditz? He didn't need his psychology lessons to tell him that. 

The burly guard wasn't too bad looking. He sneaked another peek under his lashes as the two ate lunch. In fact, now that he was studying the older male, he had to admit that Radditz was quite handsome. Clean, strong features. Mysterious, dark, ebony eyes. Thin sensual lips that were often turned up in an irresistible rakish grin. 

Oh, he remembered those eyes and that grin. In his dream, when Radditz wasn't looking at him with those smoldering lover eyes, he was showing him the kinkier aspects of sex you couldn't get from a textbook and grinning warmly.

'K'so!' He chewed on his inner cheek in consternation. He _had to stop thinking about that. Already he was semi-aroused. Again. _

**~**

Vegeta became convinced that Radditz somehow knew of his dream. That he must have seen him or heard him in the night. He tried to convince himself that it was just his paranoia, but how was he to explain the odd looks he caught from the older male when Radditz thought he wasn't watching? The brawny guard was unusually quiet that day, and the more Vegeta brooded over it, the more embarrassed he felt.

Locking himself in his room after dinner, he flopped down on his bed. His mind whirled. 'God! I'm behaving just like some sex-crazed teen with a crush! He probably heard me scream in the night and he's probably laughing at me: the prince who's been having wet dreams about his older bodyguard… Arrrgh!' 

The said prince buried his permanently heated cheeks into his pillow with a groan. He had been feeling exceptionally hot and horny the whole day; even now, he was already sporting yet another erection. He thought about ignoring it, but changed his mind. A quick jerk-off in between classes would have been too hurried to be satisfying, and he really needed the release. 

Flipping onto his back, he started stroking himself slowly, his thoughts wandering to his burly bodyguard again. To the tall, rugged build that was so much more muscular than Vegeta's slim figure. He often wished he was bigger, but his last growth phase had come and gone, leaving him relatively unchanged. He could just cry with the injustice of it all; his own _father_, the supplier of half his genes,was tall and well built. 

Oh yes, Radditz had a very nice body indeed… He recalled stealing glances at the longhaired guard while they were both training in the weight room earlier, noting the way those sculpted muscles flexed and rippled. 

Radditz wasn't the best fighter around, but he was very earnest and hardworking, and he took his responsibilities as the prince's bodyguard very seriously. When Vegeta was in class, he could often be found in the training rooms. He had also been reading up on first aid, disabling alarms, computer hacking –anything that was related to security issues. He had even been practicing with firearms and other weaponry; even though the Saiyajins as a race scorned such artificial aids, the royal bodyguard had considered nothing more paramount than the prince's safety. 

His father had asked him why he kept Radditz on when he could have replaced him with bodyguards whose power levels had been rated higher. He told his father that it was for a very simple reason. 

He trusted Radditz. 

Vegeta stiffened as he came with a muffled groan, eyes closing and tensed muscles relaxing in the blissful limpness that followed an orgasm. Yet somehow, this wasn't as intense as his dream. It was odd and frustrating; he was awake and consciously thinking of his dream lover, but it wasn't as satiating as his dream. 

A tormented moan tripped from the young prince's throat. Why was this happening to him? Was he infatuated? But it had all happened so suddenly… Maybe he was infected. Yeah, maybe he was sick; after all, he had been feeling warm the whole day and his body had felt a little off-kilter. When he had checked his pulse and temperature earlier, both were slightly elevated as well. 

'Right.' He snorted derisively. He could just imagine the medical officer's reaction to the description of his symptoms. 

Pulling his top over his head as he sat up, he wiped his hand and tossed the soiled fabric into the laundry hamper in the corner of his room. Sighing, he lay back down again, pillowing his head on his palms. He hated all these new sensations and feelings; he felt like he was losing control of his body and emotions. Well, not exactly hated; it felt pleasurable as well…. 

Was this a side effect of achieving sexual maturity? 

The teenager mused, the tip of his tail flicking absently back and forth, though the rest of the furry length was still snugly coiled around his waist. Yes, that was certainly a plausible explanation. He thought he had read as much information as was available on the topic even before he had come into his majority, but maybe there were a few things the texts had forgotten to mention. Or perhaps only some Saiyajins were affected. He really hoped that was the case. 

Maybe he should ask Radditz. 

He flushed again, wondering if Radditz would guess just why he was asking those questions. But he needed to ask somebody about these strange sensations, and he trusted Radditz more than he trusted anybody else. 

The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that Radditz was the best person to ask. He knew the tall guard was pretty sexually experienced; he had spoken to the prince frankly about what he did and where he went on his nights off. And he was closer to Radditz than anybody else, even his parents whom he hardly saw due to their duties. 

'What if he laughs at me or loses his respect?' Vegeta fretted, his fingers stroking the tip of his tail in a subconscious gesture of comfort. He used to suck on the tip when he was very distressed, as most Saiyajin babies did, and he had never fully outgrown the childish habit, although he had replaced his mouth with his fingers. 

'Well, he shouldn't.' The logical side of his mind replied calmly. 'These are normal urges.'

The prince may have been mature for his age, appearing to be outwardly controlled and rational, but under his cold exterior, he was still a seventeen year-old male and still very young by Saiyanjin standards. He had no experience with intimate relationships at all. 

Thinking hard, he planned his questions to focus on the physical changes associated with reaching his majority, keeping it abstract. Right. He would mention wet dreams but he would not, of course, mention any particular names or details. Easy. There was no need to get embarrassed and no way would Radditz suspect anything. 

Taking a few deep breaths, he gathered his resolve and stood up. He pulled on a fresh shirt and left his room. Walking across the communal living areas to Radditz' room, he rapped on the door sharply. When there was no answer, he checked the small data screen on the door with a frown. 'Shit! Radditz had just left. Why didn't he inform me?' His scowl deepened at the thought of what Radditz could possibly be doing. 

'Why should I care what he does? He's not my lover.' Vegeta stood still, the tip of his tail twitching in indecision and his brows furrowed in irritation. 'Well, maybe he just stepped out for a while, since he didn't tell me anything.' 

Finally, he decided to wait in Radditz' room and raised his palm up to the scanner pad. Suddenly, he was curious to find out more about his bodyguard. Walking into the room, he sat down stiffly at the edge of the bed and looked around. He hadn't been in this room often. Compared to the prince's neat bedroom, the older Saiyan's room looked very lived-in; clothes were strewn on the floor and a stack of data discs lay stacked beside the bed. 

A couple of magazines lay opened on the desk and beside them was a disassembled scouter, the rugged plastic casing removed to expose the intricate wiring within. Various small tools were held neatly on the wooden board that was tacked up above the desk. The bed itself was large and comfortable, and the large, dark, emerald pillows scattered on silky, forest green sheets gave the bed an inviting look. 

Hesitantly, he picked up one of the pillows, running his hands lightly over the rich, velvety fabric. Radditz' musk hung in the air, heavy and fragrant, and the scent was especially strong on the bed. Closing his eyes, he raised the pillow to his nose and breathed deeply, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

Vegeta knew he had an extremely keen sense of smell, even for a Saiyajin. He reacted very strongly to scents, and he had to admit that Radditz had a very delightful scent. Rich and dark and spicy and utterly sexy.

Still hugging the pillow, he lay back on the bed and stretched out lazily, his tail unfurling and gliding along the silky sheets in slow sweeps. In his dream, they had been all over the kitchenette and main room. On the dining table, on the floor, under the table… A particularly delicious shiver danced up his spine when he recalled being bent over the arm of the couch at one point. 

Rolling over, he sprawled out languidly on the bed, rubbing his cheeks against the cool fabric as he thought about what it would be like to do it on this sensual green bed. His tail brushed out over the sheets and he felt himself getting hard again as he writhed about on the bed. 

His eyes closed; he could just imagine such a scene vividly. He could feel Radditz crouching above him, powerful arms wrapping his own, chest to back and crotch to ass. He could feel the heavy tail wrapped around his thigh, the bristling fur dragging against his bare skin as the furry coil twined and rippled. 

Taking a deep breath, he could just make out the cute scent of the lubricant Radditz used in his dream…. 

Banana…

**~**

_"Did you enjoy that?" He grinned rakishly, unscrewing the small bottle as he walked back. _

_Vegeta only purred, a wide smile on his face, his eyes heavily lidded. One eye opened a tad further as he sniffed curiously. "Banana?"_

_Radditz laughed. "I like flavored lubes."_

**~**

His eyes shot open in stunned surprise as his nostrils flared. It _wasn't_ his imagination. Sitting up, he sniffed the air carefully, and he realized that the scent was coming from the faint, clear stains on the bed fabrics. Leaning over one side of the bed, he found a small plastic bottle behind the stack of data discs and a box of tissues. The same bottle that Radditz had used in the dream… 

Hands trembling, he unscrewed the cap and sniffed. Banana. Exactly the same as the scent from his dream. He poured a tiny amount on his fingers, somehow already knowing what the clear liquid would be even before he rubbed his now slick fingers. Lubricant.  

But… How…?

His eyes dilated in shock, his face blanching. How could he have dreamt about such an accurate detail? Down to the look of the clear bottle and the scent of the lubricant?

Unless… 

It wasn't a dream.

No! There was no way it could have been anything but a dream! A figment of his own kinky imagination. It could not have been real! He did not sit on the table with a come-hither look and flirt with his bodyguard, did he? He did not stretch out on the table, mewing as Radditz petted his tail, did he?

Oh. God. 

He recalled his behavior; the way he arched and rubbed against the older Saiyajin, shamelessly begging for more, the way he stretched and purred and spread his legs like a cat in heat. It _had to have been a dream… He _would _not have acted that way in real life. Would he? _

Oh. _Fucking. _God. 

Woodenly, he recapped the bottle and dropped it carelessly onto the bed. Vegeta gave a small whimper as he curled up in horrified mortification, wrapping his arms around his knees as he stared blankly ahead. The events of his …dream replayed over in his mind yet again. He had been thinking about his dream the whole day, occasionally reliving it in a sort of secret pleasure, knowing that it was just a private fantasy. But... 

It wasn't an erotic dream, was it?  

It was a nightmare.  

The young prince wanted to die. Yes, that sounded like a good idea all right. He wanted to burrow under his blanket and never show his face to a certain tall bodyguard again. No wonder Radditz had been so quiet that day. He was probably trying to keep himself from laughing his head off. A truly terrifying thought struck him; could Radditz have told anybody? 

He whimpered again. 

Vegeta wasn't sure how long he sat there in the throes of a mortification attack, arms wrapped tightly around his knees and hands clutching at his shaking tail, but it suddenly occurred to him that he was still seated on Radditz' bed. In Radditz' room. If he was to die of shame, he should do so in the privacy of his own room.

Jerkily, he stood up and picked up the cursed bottle of lubricant, intending to put it back where he found it, when he noticed another vial in the corner behind the discs. It was probably another bottle of flavored lubricant. 

**~**

_Radditz laughed. "I like flavored lubes."_

_Vegeta's brow crinkled as he tried to imagine. "What would you need flavored lubricants for?"_

**~**

He couldn't stop himself; it was like he almost enjoyed torturing himself further. He placed the first bottle of lubricant back, and found himself picking up the smaller glass vial and wondering what flavor it would be. To his surprise, it wasn't an open-top bottle but an aerosol dispenser. Sniffing it, he crinkled his brow in confusion. There was hardly any smell, only the slight hint of something bitter yet fragrant. It smelled herbal. 

It smelled familiar too, somehow connected to the previous night, and he racked his brain. Why should it seem familiar? Where had he smelled this before? 

Tbc? 

…

Yes, I think so.

Tbc…

**~**

A/N: _aqua regia_; royal water. A very potent solvent.


	3. Vegeta's POV

Author:              Kiarene

Pairings:            Radditz/Vegeta

Warnings:            AU, masturbation, prince misuse, bit more angst, bit more sap

Disclaimer:            Don't own DBZ

Published:             13th April 2003

Archive?             Please ask first 

Thanks to Lully for helping beta this!

'…thoughts...'

Love Potion 3 

_Gently boil in a water bath, allowing the sensitive components to react._

Vegeta inhaled the bittersweet herbal scent again, his eyes closed in concentration.

A gut feeling told him that he was missing something. Now that he had gotten over his initial chagrin, leaving him weary and drained, he managed to push his fluctuating emotions to the back of his mind. Yet discordant questions still swirled wildly within. There were too many holes in his memories, too many contradictions beleaguering him. 

He had always been able to keep a tight rein on his emotions and he wasn't impulsive. How could he have suddenly lost control? 

And there was _no_ way the dream could be real; he did not smell of sex when he woke, neither did he ache. 

He rolled the small vial between his fingers thoughtfully, forcing himself to remain calm, to think coolly. 

What happened exactly? He remembered taking a shower, stepping out clad in just a towel, and then everything just ran together after that. He couldn't remember the exact sequence of the events, but he could recall certain sensations, specific scenes with crystal clarity. He remembered feeling very relaxed, very warm… 

He took another cautious whiff, feeling his blood and loins stir. Yes… He remembered feeling inexplicably tactile and horny as well. He had felt …tingly. Yes, that was the word for it. Every small touch had sent a tiny shiver of delight along his nerves and he had felt extra sensitive. Hot. Receptive. Even the feel of the towel wrapped around his waist had felt good as the fluffy fabric shifted slightly against his member when he walked. 

It was… It was odd. It was like getting high on alcohol…

Or a drug.  

His hand closed over the glass vial as his face tightened, eyes snapping open. Something was definitely not right. He did not even remember going for dinner or going to bed. Was it a dream or was it real? It seemed like a dream and yet it didn't. 

The seed of a nebulous suspicion grew. 

And he had a feeling that the plain container in his hand was important. The thought that perhaps it was a trifle illegal to simply take something that belonged to somebody else crossed his mind, but that consideration was fleeting and he told himself he would return it. Soon. Striding out of Radditz' room, he paused only to pull on a jacket over his thin top, before hurrying towards the laboratories.

~

Two hours later, Vegeta was no closer to enlightenment. Scowling, he glared down at the readings on the screen, feeling sleepy and irritable. 

The various spectra results told him that the unknown liquid in the vial was a complex mixture and that most of the components were organic in nature. There were quite a number of different steroids, including testosterone, and various amino acids such as arginine. Unfortunately, that was all the analytical machines could tell him, nothing more.

Was this mysterious mixture a muscle-building supplement after all? That would have made his obsession over it extremely embarrassing. Yet, if that were the case, why was the quantity so small? 

And why in hell does that nagging, faint, herbal scent smell so damned familiar?  

He rubbed his red-shot eyes tiredly. It was very late and he was alone in the brightly lit laboratory. Perhaps he should just sleep on it; morning might shed some answers. Or perhaps he might just wake up and wonder why he was making such a big fuss over some unimportant detail. 

Unclipping his scouter, he hooked it up to the machine to download the data. Standing up and rolling his hunched shoulders to loosen kinked muscles, he walked over to turn off the other machines. The faint hum died away, leaving an irritating buzzing silence. Even though the royal palace was not built in a region with tectonic activity, the analytical laboratories were all on the ground floor and heavily reinforced to ensure that there would be minimal disturbance to the sensitive machines. Within the laboratories' thick walls, it could be unnervingly silent.

He clipped his scouter back over his left ear and gave a last check around before picking up the small glass vial. As he exited, the lights automatically switched off and the heavy door slid close. 

When Vegeta returned to the set of rooms he shared with Radditz, he noted with dismay that the tall guard was already back. The data pads on the doors recorded all moment in and out of the chambers. Once inside his personal quarters, he unclipped his scouter and took off his jacket as he paced, wondering if he should return the vial the next morning. 

'No, best to do it now before Radditz discovers it missing.'

Standing outside the guard's door, he hesitated again, deliberating as fingers rubbed the small container in his pants pocket. 

'Damn. I shouldn't have taken so long in the lab.' He gave a crisp knock, but when there was no reply, he pressed his hand to the sensor in relief. 'Good, he's asleep.'

The lights were turned off, but Vegeta could easily make out the large form sprawled out facedown on the bed illuminated by moonlight that streamed in through the uncovered windows. Slowly, stealthily, he made his way carefully around the scattered stuff on the floor. It was like a small mine field, and he tensed every time he stumbled against some object or heard a movement from the bed. 

Radditz had been drinking, and quite heavily at that; the liquor-sweet smell hung heavily in the air. The inebriated guard's slumber was restless; he tossed and turned occasionally and his tail flopped heavily from side to side in agitation, musking the air strongly. The blankets were kicked off and twisted in a heap, spilling onto the floor as the sleeper twitched and moved fretfully.  

Finally, he approached the side of the bed where he had discovered the vial. Vegeta was oddly relieved that liquor was all that Radditz smelled of; the lusty guard often came back ripe with the distinctive scent of sex whenever he had gone out for the night. 

'That never bothered me before.' He frowned as he stopped by the side of the bed, squinting in the deep indigo shadows. His tail lashed uncomfortably from side to side. 'Though it is strange that this time…' 

His thoughts were interrupted by a low mumble and he stiffened. Had Radditz woke up? After a moment, the guard rolled onto his side, muttering again but obviously still asleep. 

"…'geta."

Vegeta blinked in shock. Curiosity threw little threads around him and reeled him in – did Radditz just say his name? Why? Slowly, without even realizing that he was moving, he leaned forward over the edge of the bed cautiously. 

Suddenly, an arm snaked around his waist and yanked him off balance onto the bed, pulling him tightly against the length of a very warm, very hard body. 

He gave a small exclamation of surprise, muscles tensing and tail bristling. To his relief and consternation, Radditz was still very asleep, very naked, and very aroused. The young prince squirmed slightly, pushing his hands against the broad chest and trying to get free, but the movement caused the larger male to shift as well. A heavy tail curled around his hip and slithered between his legs while another burly arm wrapped across his back, trapping him even more securely.

"Vegeta…," the sleeping guard murmured softly again, nuzzling and kissing the prince's flushing cheeks, cuddling closer. 

Vegeta shivered in spite of himself, small waves of pleasure rippling through him. 'No, what am I _doing_?' 

The tail between his legs moved and he almost squeaked in surprise, his own tail brushing out. 'Got to get out!' 

Yet his hands refused to push the other away, and when Radditz started rocking his hips, his traitorous body arched for more and his legs spread slightly as the other's tail started venturing into not quite virgin territory. Hands moved down to cup his buttocks, pulling his hips tightly against a buckling pelvis. 

With a small moan, Vegeta gave up trying to extricate himself from the tangle of limbs and tails and simply melted into the gloriously warm embrace. Not that he had been trying very hard anyway; his tail had already made up its mind and was coiled around the thick thigh thrown over his legs. 

'No…' 

But even that last resistance was weak. Prior inhibitions and objections shriveled up and died. What were they again?  

He draped his arms around the broad shoulders, threading his hands through the thick, spiky hair that blanketed them as he buried his face into the crook of Radditz' shoulder, drowning in the delightful sensations that coursed through him. The heady scents of personal musk and liquor and sweat and arousal all mingled, weaving and winding around them like strands of an invisible net.

Thick erections rubbed as they moved and writhed, the delicious friction fanning the carnal hunger that have been smoldering within him all day. They were now tightly entwined together, flesh sliding smoothly along heated flesh; the thin clothes Vegeta wore a sheer barrier to the electrifying and searing contact between them, only serving to frustrate and paradoxically excite him yet further. 

Radditz was moaning; his movements became more frenzied as ragged gasps and slurred murmurs tripped from his lips. Vegeta bit down painfully on his lip to keep silent as he clutched the guard's brawny shoulders, though he doubted if the guard could even hear him over his own loud noises. He knew he should be furious at the way the larger male was dry-humping him, at the way his bodyguard was taking liberties with him, groping and squeezing his butt almost painfully. .

But it felt too damn good and he could not stop now; he was awash in a sea of unfamiliar emotions and glorious sensations. It was wrong; it should not be happening, but it felt fucking perfect. 

His own erection was rock hard and leaking as he rocked his hips jerkily, wanting and striving, needing…

Just a bit harder, just a bit faster, just a bit _more…_

Abruptly, Radditz stiffened, hot fluid coating the front of their torsos as he relaxed with a shuddering grunt. 'Nooo!' Vegeta cursed in frustration, about to reach down to relieve the aching tension in his own loins when the warm arms around him loosened and fell away limply. The older male then gave a satiated sigh and rolled onto his back. 

The sudden loss of that wonderful warmth was like an icy slap in his face. Suddenly realizing his compromising position, he panicked and scrambled off the bed. He had to get back to his room, get away…

He stumbled noisily in his hurry to get out of the room, but he didn't care. Neither did the sated male on the bed as he sank into a deep sleep, purring, and oddly free of the problems that had plagued his sleep earlier.  

Lurching into his own room, Vegeta looked down in dazed shock at the dark stain on his blue top, his right hand trailing slowly across the sticky wetness. He was still painfully hard, and hands shaking in haste, he yanked down his pants and sank to his knees with a whimpering moan. 

A cum-slicked hand sought out his neglected erection as he supported himself with his other hand. Closing his eyes, he could almost feel the brawny arms around him; he could still scent the heavy musk of the older Saiyajin… 

He came quickly and collapsed onto his side, shaking in shame and the intensity of his release. What the hell was happening to him? How could he have done that? How could he have allowed Radditz to do that to him?? He was stronger than the guard, but somehow, he had been helpless… 

Or did he really want it?   

Cursing and still trembling in both anger and shock, he quickly stripped off his clothing, cleaning himself before tossing the soiled clothing into the laundry hamper. Stumbling over to his bed, he crawled under the blankets. He was still feeling hot, but he felt an irrational need to hide under the protective barrier of fabric. 

Yet even on his own bed, naked and alone, he could still smell Radditz' scent on him. Before he realized what he was doing, he lifted his hand to his nose, inhaling the mingled sharp musks of their dried semen. Catching himself, he gave another frustrated curse and tucked his hand under his other arm, curling into a shivering ball as his eyes fluttered close. Physically drained and mentally battered, he quickly fell into a restless sleep. 

**~**

The next couple of days passed in a daze. Vegeta avoided his bodyguard as often as he could, hating his body's reaction to the older Saiyajin, hating his loss of control. He no longer felt as hot or horny, and his heart rate and blood pressure had returned to normal. 

Yet, he could not stop thinking about the other male. He could hardly concentrate, and every time he caught sight of the brawny guard, he felt oddly excited. At night, his sleep was still plagued by fragmented dreams, though the erotic dreams were never as vivid as his first one.

The question still haunted him. 

_Was it real? Or was it just a dream? _

What was more disturbing was his inability to answer the other question that followed. Did he _wish_ it were real, or just a dream? 

Logically, he knew it was just a fantasy. The dream may have been extremely vivid, but he would most certainly remember his first time! Also, he had awoken the next morning in his bed, clean and without any soreness. There was no evidence that it could have been anything but a kinky fantasy.   

Yet, there were too many disturbing contradictions. The banana lubrication, his sketchy memories of the night, Radditz' odd behavior… Vegeta flushed as he remembered the last incident. Radditz had clearly been dreaming of him. 

He raked his sweat-slicked hair back absently as he headed back to his quarters, his mind wandering back to the handsome guard. Radditz had requested the afternoon off; some family matters to attend to, he said. Vegeta had sequestered himself in one of the training rooms for a tough session, hoping to work off his frustrations. It had worked – he was feeling physically exhausted but much clearer-headed – and he had decided on a course of action. 

Radditz seemed to be interested in him as well, so perhaps he _should _initiate something. Carry out his nocturnal fantasies. The slim prince cracked a wry smirk. Why was he getting himself all worked up over that unsettling dream? It was very simple; he was interested in Radditz and now that he knew that the attraction was reciprocated, what then was the problem? 

Rolling his shoulders, he winced at the soreness in his back muscles. He had unwittingly overdone the training today. Perhaps he should spend an hour or two in the tank before dinner, especially if he wanted to carry out his seduction tonight. Normally, he didn't believe in using the tank for training aches unless it was absolutely necessary.  

Crossing to his medical room, he pulled off his clothes and stepped in front of the tank. As he turned on the machine, he glanced idly at the green characters that scrolled across the black screen as the computer initialized. The initialization sequence went through the various programs and settings, ran diagnostics on the peripheral devices, and checked the level of the chemicals used for the regeneration fluid. 

Suddenly, his eyes narrowed on a couple of lines that flashed past. Frowning, he pulled up the system logs after the system was completely booted up. Strange – he didn't remember using the tank for the past month or so, yet it stated in the logs that the tank was last used just three nights ago. Had Radditz used it? 

Calling up the relevant file, he examined the figures. No, it hadn't been Radditz. The fluid had been keyed to his DNA. 

It had been Vegeta. 

He looked at the date again with dread, something seeming to click and drop in his mind, something which came tantalizingly close to a matching hole. 

He had used the tank, three nights ago, when he had that strange dream. 

Numbly, he stepped away from the computer and sat down in the chair, holding his head in his hands. 

_How…?_

It wasn't a dream.

_Who had put him there?_

…Radditz. He knew it; he just _knew. _

It wasn't a dream. It was real. 

_Why??_ Why did he…? Why didn't Radditz say anything? Why did Radditz put him in the tank and later to sleep in his own bed? 

Another fact shifted, as a suspicion formed, almost falling into place. Slowly, he reached out for the scouter he had left on the small table with his clothes and recalled the spectra results on the mysterious vial. 

After the incident in Radditz' room, he had forgotten all about the vial and it had remained unobtrusively in his pants until he had to clear his laundry. Too embarrassed to go back into Radditz' room again, he had tucked the vial away. 

Steroids. Amino acids. Testosterone. The suspicion grew as the various disparities started to assume some possible connections. 

Standing up, he walked back to his room swiftly, his hand clutching the light scouter tightly. The cool air on his naked, sweat-damp skin wasn't as icy as the twisted knot in his gut. He felt remarkably alert, viewing everything with a greater clarity, and also strangely detached. 

Seating himself in front of his computer, he did a systematic search of the scientific databases. 

There were many components in the mixture, and each component had more than one use. For example, steroids were a wide, complex family of compounds that included the sex hormones, such as testosterone, fulfilling numerous functions in the body. They could be used for various therapies, and were often abused by many of the fighters who wished to build bulk, amongst other applications. 

Listing down all of the components, he overlaid all of their properties in an attempt to map out any common traits that connected the various compounds. It was tedious but he had a hunch what he was looking for. Somehow, he knew the vial was connected to the night where he had lost control. 

He knew what the answer would be even before the exhaustive search confirmed his prediction, but he wished it wasn't true.

It was.  

Vegeta stared at the screen in growing anger. A _fucking aphrodisiac. How. Dare. He. ___

Suddenly, all the little disparate facts fell into place. He sat there for a long time, simply replaying the 'dream' that started it all in his mind, every agonizing, humiliating detail, and now seeing it in a totally different light. Hot shame and fury compounded as he sat there in silence. And underlying it all, a deep, black-bitter taste of betrayal.

As the crown prince, Vegeta had often felt isolated from his subjects, by birth and by duty. Though isolation and solitude had never really bothered him much, this savage betrayal of trust did. Badly. Abruptly, he was racked by a sudden wave of utter loneliness and self-pity. He had trusted Radditz and had …deep feelings for the guard. Feelings of familiar companionship and easy confidence; Radditz was someone he grew up with and one of the very few people with whom he was truly at ease. And with his recent conflux of emotions, confusing and tender and erotic, he had even entertained hopeful thoughts that perhaps… 

_No! _Vegeta wrenched his thoughts back to the bald, harsh facts in front of him in stark green and black. 

It was obvious to him that Radditz only wanted him for his body. 

'No, let's be brutally frank here, shall we? He only wanted me for a quick _fuck_. A royal ass to screw. A royal, _virgin_ ass to screw. All the better.'

He scowled darkly, allowing fury to consume him. For that left less room for the hurt. The sharp, stabbing hurt that twisted deep within him. The characters on the screen before him swam and he felt a sudden urge to curl up… and just… 

His shoulders shook as he strove for a tenuous semblance of control. Pushing himself up suddenly, his chair clattered noisily to the floor and he kicked it away, seeing in his mind someone else in place of the inanimate object. His initial reaction had been to confront Radditz, but quickly, hot rage settled into an icy anger. 

No. That would have been too easy. 

**~**

Vegeta stepped through the main door, noting grimly from the data pad that Radditz had returned from his errand. He walked to his room, placing the bag of stuff he had bought on his table. It was late evening; his own errand had taken him longer than he expected. 

Unclipping his dark brown cloak from his armor's shoulder pads, he hung it back in the closet behind his ceremonial red cloaks. It wasn't often used; meant for traveling, it was thick and long, reaching down to his ankles, with a deep hood. It was also used when he didn't want to be identified.  

He pulled off his armor as well, leaving just his usual navy sleeveless bodysuit. Crossing over to his desk, he reached into the bag and pulled out a smaller cloth bag, shaking out the small discs from the black cloth bag onto his hand. Each metallic disc was thin and palm-sized, and tiny neat printing on one side informed him what each disc contained. Coldly, he examined the discs, and then slipped all but one back into the bag. Opening a drawer, he took out a small vial. He left the room, the assorted small items in his hand. 

Without announcing himself, he palmed the sensor to Radditz' room and walked in. The tall guard was casually dressed in just a pair of loose pants and seated by the head of his bed, shuffling through the collection of data discs beside him, and looked up in surprise. 

"Vegeta-sama…" His greeting trailed away at the terrible look on the prince's face.  

There was a tense moment, and then Vegeta walked over to the guard. Radditz stiffened, visibly unsure, as he remained seated. Leaning over slowly, his hands on the broad shoulders, Vegeta pressed his lips softly against the older male's in a chaste kiss. 

Immediately, without hesitation, Radditz parted his lips, large hands coming up to grip Vegeta's hips as a low purr started in his chest. Feeling the wet, sensual touch upon his lips, feeling the firm muscles beneath his hands, _feeling_ the delicious, sweet purr that resonated between them, Vegeta almost forgot his intention for a moment. For just a lingering moment, he longed to forget the guard's unforgivable betrayal and simply melt against the other. For just a faltering moment, his rigid stance softened and his hands started to move uncertainly in slow circles that savored the chiseled hardness and bare, silky skin beneath his hungry palms.  

But the fervency of the third class's reaction also brutally, harshly, emphasized the flip side of the coin, confirming his worst fears. That moment was wrenched away cruelly and he stiffened, stepped back and slapped him hard, splitting the same lips he had bestowed a tender contact to just a second earlier. 

"Bastard." 

Radditz blinked in shock, a hand coming up to wipe at the thin trail of blood that ran down his chin. "Wha..?"

"Looking for something?" Vegeta cut him off as he took another step back, his face twisting in dark anger, his left hand snapping up. Radditz caught the object in reflex as it flew towards his chest. "This perhaps?"

Radditz looked down at the vial in his hand and paled. 

"How could you?" Vegeta hissed, his tone laced with fury and betrayal. 

Radditz looked up and stared numbly at the prince, his eyes wide and dilated in guilt, his mouth working but no answer forthcoming. 

The younger stared back, absolutely livid. Somehow, he had still hoped that he was wrong: foolishly, naively and _stupidly hoped against all the incriminating evidence so far that he was perhaps mistaken. But the look on the other's face confirmed his guess. _

"Tell me!" Vegeta backhanded him and the burly guard spun with the force of the blow, landing on his knees and hands.

"Answer me, kisama!" His anger, barely held simmering in check since he had found out, erupted as he yanked the taller male up by his long hair with his left hand and forced his head backwards painfully. 

But Radditz kept silent and Vegeta held his sorrowful gaze a few moments longer before he snarled in frustration. His right hand came up and slapped a metal disc against the guard's exposed throat with more force than necessary. 

The action caused numerous tiny needles to spring out from the flat surface, injecting a substance directly into his bloodstream. Vegeta, his anger barely sated, watched as Radditz rapidly lost consciousness. 


	4. Radditz' POV

Author:              Kiarene

Pairings:            Radditz/Vegeta

Warnings:            AU, more angst, guard abuse, non-consensual situations

Disclaimer:            Don't own DBZ

Published:             14th August 2003

Archive?             Please ask first 

Thanks to Lully for helping beta this!

'…thoughts...'

_~ …dream sequence… ~_

Love Potion 4 

Remove from water bath and holding the flask over a naked flame, carefully add one leaf of ephedra and one leaf of nux vomica. Add three more hairs of Saiyajin tail, preferably from the royal lineage for highest potency.

Radditz sighed as he palmed the door sensor, noting dully in passing that Vegeta had left. It was just as well; the young prince's presence was driving him crazy. Entering his room, he toed off his boots and pulled off his shirt, dropping it carelessly on the floor before making his way to his bed to sit down tiredly. He had not been sleeping well and he thought of his dreams with a wry grimace. 

Correction. He was perfectly capable of going crazy all by himself.

As if it wasn't enough that he was unbearably tempted during the day, Vegeta had to haunt him at night too. Closing his eyes with a sigh as he hunched over, face sinking into his hands, he recalled a particularly exquisite dream. It had been different. 

For once, he had dreamt that Vegeta had come to him. 

**_~_**

_"Vegeta…" __he muttered as he shifted restlessly. He could almost smell the distinctive sweet musk of the prince, and taking a few deep breaths, he could have sworn that the scent was becoming stronger. The hairs on the back of his neck and tail prickled, and slowly he turned on his side. _

_The room was darkened, but he could easily see the faint outline of a familiar figure beside the bed. Radditz' eyes widened, hardly daring to believe. Filled with a sudden panic, he reached out and pulled the lithe figure to him abruptly as if afraid he would vanish like a dream-wraith. To his delight, the gorgeous little male was no apparition but very warm, very real.  _

_He grinned as he wrapped another arm around the startled prince, his tail wandering with a life of its own. Kissing and cuddling the silky figure that fitted perfectly within his embrace, murmuring the other's name happily, he had never felt so content. _

_In his dream, Vegeta had smiled up at him and melted within his embrace, arching up against him lustfully. In his dream, Vegeta had kissed him and told him what he longed desperately to hear. In his dream, they fitted perfectly, moving like familiar lovers. _

**_~_**

He wrenched his mind back to the unwelcome present regretfully. But it was just a dream. A wistful yearning. Vegeta would never come to him. 

Forget that night. It was never to have existed. He was a fool to have ever thought that he could just rid himself of his attraction like that. He had only made it worse.

_It never happened. _

Radditz' eyes opened wearily, sadly. Perhaps if he kept repeating that to himself. Yet, if it never happened, he would not… 

_No! It. Never. Happened._

He gritted his teeth, getting his emotions and wayward thoughts under tenuous control. Picking up a small stack of data discs, he was rifling through his music collection for something to play when he heard the low tone that signaled an entry. His eyes flickered up in surprise, his heart caught for a moment as the male that had recently occupied his thoughts – again – strode in. "Vegeta-sama…"

His automatic salutation died away when he caught sight of the expression on Vegeta's face. Harsh and thin-lipped, brows drawn and dark eyes smoldering dangerously. 

'Is he …angry?'

'He's …here. What's he doing here?'

He froze, eyes wide and breath caught, as the royal stalked closer. And then Vegeta was right in front of him, standing so close that they were almost touching, so close that he almost forgot all but the figure in front of him. 

'Vegeta?'

When Vegeta placed light hands on his shoulders, he forgot all but the Saiyajin in front of him. When Vegeta placed an even lighter touch upon his lips, he forgot his previous reservations and discretions. That fragile control snapped. Without thinking, he returned the kiss eagerly, placing his hands on the slender hips to pull the other closer. A faint disconcerting thought nagged: why was Vegeta doing this? But he didn't give a damn, refusing to let anything ruin the moment. He started purring unconsciously, losing himself in the kiss.

'Vegeta…' He was deliriously drowning in a simple kiss.

Only to be rudely shocked by a stinging slap. His eyes snapped open in shock, blinking in bewilderment. Distantly, he registered the tang of blood and absently raised his hand, feeling wetness on his chin. "Wha...?"

"Looking for something?" Vegeta stepped back with an angry snarl and hurled something at him. "This perhaps?"

Radditz looked down and blanched. The vial of aphrodisiac. How…? _Shit_.

"How could you?" 

He was in such deep shit. 

Radditz raised his head slowly, numbly, his mind whirling and chasing itself in circles. No, he didn't mean for this to happen. Vegeta wasn't supposed to find out like this; that night should have never taken place! 

"Tell me!" A blow caught him on the side of his face and he twisted awkwardly to the side, landing on his knees and hands. But it did. And his worst fears were realized. His mind caught its tail.

"Answer me, kisama!" A painful grip yanked his hair back, forcing him to look up into the face he dreaded at that moment, blazing with fury and betrayal. He had no answer as he stared dully at the furious royal. And then he felt a sharp sting at the side of his throat, releasing something that burned like liquid fire, but Radditz welcomed the pain as he gladly slid into blissful unconsciousness. It distracted him from the pain in his chest: a tight, sorrowful agony that was so much worse. 

**~**

Radditz was suspended in fuzzy cotton pain: a dull, pounding ache that pounded through his body. He floated with bemusement, looking at the swirls of crimson and black around him, and felt something intruding upon his awareness. He didn't like it; whatever it was, it was pulling him away from the blissful limpness and he somehow knew it was _safer_ to stay there than to face whatever would greet him when he woke up. The pain became more acute; a regular series of sharp hits on his face, and it dragged him away despite his stubborn efforts to cling to the nebulous fluff around him. 

"Finally." 

Radditz blinked heavy eyes and tried to focus on the speaker, his body aching and cheeks stinging from the slaps. 'Vegeta-sama…' 

The prince he knew had always been cool and in control. The royal often came across as cold and rude to others because of his haughty and taciturn behavior, but he knew better; Vegeta was often socially uncomfortable around others, even to the point of being shy, because of his isolated upbringing. 

But now, the expression of the prince that stood before him was cold, lips twisted in a harsh frown. His heart sank and Radditz suddenly felt fear. Tearing his eyes away, he looked down and realized the reason for his body's discomfort. 

He was naked and bound, on his knees, his arms and tail pulled behind him. They were still in his room, and he wasn't sure how long he had been unconscious. He could feel the heavy metal bands locked around his wrists and the tip of his tail and knew what they were: magnetic cuffs often used for prisoners. The cuffs were held together by a powerful magnetic field that was not only stronger than an ordinary metal chain, but also had the curious additional property of disrupting ki within the magnetic field – should the prisoner attempt to power up. 

These cuffs could only be released by an electronic control device and would slam back together with the touch of the same control; this made it safer for the jailor around more dangerous prisoners. Another set of cuffs was fastened around his ankles, but his ankles were not locked together. Instead, the magnetic polarity was reversed and the cuffs were now forcing his legs apart: another common technique used to deal with prisoners. It was tiring, humiliating, and left the prisoner in an extremely vulnerable position.  

Radditz was painfully aware of that fact. 

Kneeling with his legs splayed apart, his limbs all but useless, without even the cover of some clothing to maintain some semblance of dignity, he felt exposed and horribly helpless. Shifting his knees slightly with a grunt, he moved his thighs wider apart to relieve the unnatural strain of the awkward angles.  

"Why?" Vegeta stood in front of him, his arms crossed across his chest. "_Look _at me when I speak, asshole."

"I.. because.." Radditz raised his head, trying to find the words that would explain his actions without making it seem worse than it really was. He blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "…because I really …like you…" 

'Simply brilliant, baka!' He berated himself.

"You _like_ me and this is how you show it?" Vegeta's icy expression cracked into anger and disbelief and betrayal. Radditz flinched. 

"Tell me, what is it you _like _about me? My body?" Stepping back, Vegeta drew his top over his head and flung it away, his tone dripping with sarcasm. 

"N..no…" 

"Look your fill, Radditz," Vegeta continued, stepping out of his boots and peeling off his pants. The furious prince, face flushed with anger, held himself upright as he spread his arms and turned around slowly. His tail weaved behind him, fluffed and musking the air heavily with its own potent drug. "Like what you see? This is what you want?" 

"Don't do this Vegeta-sama," Radditz begged, horrified yet drawn to the slim figure before him. 

"Or maybe it's not my _body _you want," Vegeta looked over his shoulder as he stood, half-facing away from Radditz, "but rather the thrill of fucking a virgin ass."  He fluttered his lashes coquettishly as he ran a hand sensually up along his thigh and over the curve of a slender hip, though there was nothing innocent in that glare, which glinted with the promise of hellish retribution. 

"Oh wait! Virgin ass is easy and relatively cheap to get outside. There's always a kid on the streets who wants more out of life and isn't hesitant about selling himself to buy that. But virgin _royal _ass on the other hand…" Vegeta turned again, twisting his body sinuously as he ran long-fingered hands over his body, his tail lifted high in a gesture meant to entice and invite. His tone was mocking and sarcastic, hard obsidian eyes on Radditz though his attention appeared to be turned inwards. 

"Vegeta-sama…please don't… Vegeta, please, I'm sorry… " 

The enraged prince did not appear to hear Radditz' hoarse pleas as he stepped closer to the kneeling guard. "Tell me. Was it good? Was it any different from any young whore you can find in the clubs?" 

"You're not…"

He knelt down as well, draping lithe arms over Radditz' broad shoulders as he husked. "Was _I_ any good?" He nuzzled the older Saiyajin's cheek in a mock-affectionate gesture, hot tongue darting out to lick at the drops of sweat that had beaded along his captive's brow and jaw. 

"Tell me, for I wouldn't know, would I? I was drugged," Vegeta snarled and gave a sudden vicious nip, drawing thin parallel lines of welling crimson on the guard's jaw. Radditz released a startled gasp, but strangely, he welcomed the pain. It was a terribly small absolution for his guilt, but anything was better than Vegeta's bitter and depreciating striptease. 

Vegeta continued down his neck: small, painful bites that were just hard enough to break the skin. Occasionally, the now-silent prince would pause to lap at the blood that presently dripped in thin rivulets down along his collarbones and chest, threading and mixing with the sweat. One small hand gripped his shoulders, the other moving down to ghost lightly over his chest.  

Radditz was breathing heavily now; hard and turned on by the combination of the sexy royal's close presence, sharp pain and sensual licking, and he was appalled at himself. Vegeta was obviously hurting and angry, and all he could think of was how erotic all this was? He was such a sick bastard. 

"Oh god, Vegeta… Please don't do this, I beg you. This is not you…" 

"But you like this, don't you? You're getting off on this." A muscled thigh pressed against his erection and Radditz bit down on his lip to stifle a moan, closing his eyes in an attempt to regain some control, but it only served to heighten the sensations that flitted over his body. He felt Vegeta slip behind him, wrapping slim arms around his waist. "Do I please you? _Did _I please you that night? Was it the only night, or was it the only night you slipped up and I remembered 

something?"

"No, no, that was the only time I swear." Radditz could barely concentrate on what he was saying. Remorse and sick desire roiled within him, but foremost was the feeling of shame and horror that he had done this to the young prince he loved.  "Vegeta-sama, kill me if you wish. I know what I did was a travesty and I deserve whatever you do to me, but please do not do this to yourself."

"Lover—" Radditz shivered at the honeyed tone "—do you like this?" Hands cupped his backside, fingers trailing suggestively along his cleft. "Do you want this?"  

'No!' Radditz screamed mentally, but his traitorous body wouldn't obey; he couldn't say anything and he was even more aroused. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Vegeta reach for a dark glass bottle. 

Slender arms still around him, he looked down dazedly as Vegeta opened the bottle and poured a liberal amount of oil onto his left hand. The oil was fragrant and very spicy, the scent tickling at a memory. 'Where…?' 

And then he hissed and stiffened as Vegeta wrapped his oil-coated hand around his erection, tears springing to the corners of his eyes. 'Shit! It burns!' Abruptly, he recognized the oil; it was his deep-heat muscle relaxant, made up of various spicy oils and used to relax tight muscles after training. On tired muscles and callused skin, it was spicily warm and soothing, but on sensitive membranes, it _burned_! 

"What's wrong, Radditz? Don't you like this? I hear peppermint is an aphrodisiac," Vegeta murmured as he continued stroking, holding up the bottle with his other hand to look at the ingredients printed on the side. But Radditz couldn't answer; his breaths were coming in short, pained gasps, toes curling and digging into the floor below. 

Vegeta placed the bottle down and reached for something else. "And just to prolong your pleasure, I got this especially for you as well." 

Radditz barely felt the sting as Vegeta pressed a thin disc to his abdomen, the pain around his erection overwhelming everything else, but he definitely felt the liquid fire that singed his veins as the drug was released. His world was a red haze of burning agony and he squirmed uncomfortably, but he couldn't move much in his restraints. After what seemed like a very long time, the sensations lessened to a more bearable level, and he blinked teary eyes and looked down '…I'm still hard after all that?'

He must have voiced it aloud in his bemused befuddlement, for a soft baritone answered him. "Ah, that would be because of the extra …_gift _I got for you. This little disc –" Radditz then noticed the black metallic piece on his abdomen just above the base of his cock "—releases a nice compound that maintains your erection. Very popular for guys who can't perform. Incidentally, it also prevents you from climaxing until I remove it."

Radditz shivered again at the hard, dangerous tone and recognized it; the prince was furious and out for nothing less than total revenge. He heard a soft beep as Vegeta adjusted a setting on his ankle cuffs and winced as the field intensity increased, forcing his legs further apart. Seeing Vegeta reach for the bottle of oil again, he shuddered and closed his eyes, not sure if he would be able to handle another round. 

To his horror, he felt a finger trail down from the base of his tail, and he screamed in pain and shock as the oil-slicked finger slipped into his entrance. His back arched in a taut bow and he screwed his eyes shut tightly against the burning pain. Another finger slid in and he danced in agonized pleasure around the digits impaling him as they probed and found his prostate. "Oh god! Ve..geta! Ohhh!!" 

A hand cupped his face and turned his head around, and a gentle mouth kissed away the salty liquid that ran down his face. 

"Vegeta, please please, oh gods, please…" He knew not what he was pleading brokenly for; for surcease, for more, for less, for relief? He wanted and he hurt and he shamed. He couldn't think anymore; he could only feel. Those fingers writhed and moved within him, rubbing mercilessly against that small spongy gland. And it felt good and it felt painful, and he felt horrible that he could even feel pleasure despite the overwhelming guilt. 

Vegeta withdrew his fingers and backed away, and Radditz nearly wept from the loss and relief.  "Stay tight, love. I'll be back soon."   

Radditz panted, muscles trembling violently, his head and tail limp. He felt hot _everywhere_, a physical burn deep within him and around him that spread, and was so _hot _that he thought he would die of it. His knees ached from kneeling and his muscles ached from the strain of his awkward position. Droplets of sweat trickled down his body, his neck, and chest and back, stinging lightly as it ran over the broken skin on his neck and collarbones and burning as the salty liquid contacted his oiled cock and entrance. 

But he let it, welcoming the slight burn even. It was what his prince wanted. 

Hearing the door to his room hiss open again, he looked up. Vegeta entered, sipping from a glass of iced water. His earlier sardonic, angry expression was gone, replaced by a cold mask again, though he carefully kept his gaze lowered as he crossed over to the guard's side. Kneeling down in front of him, the royal placed the glass down and reached into it for an ice-cube. "Radditz." 

He placed the ice on the older Saiyajin's abdomen, whispering cruelly as he moved the ice-cube down until it stopped at the base of his straining erection. "You look hot." 

"Ve..geta…" Radditz stuttered, tensing with dread as he felt the ice halt, his cock twitching. Then the cube slid further down and he stiffened even more as the melting ice pressed again his painfully puckered entrance. 

"Shall I stop, Radditz? Do you want this?" 

The tall guard closed his eyes. He was tempted to object, but knew he had no right. "…Yes." A small, defeated, hoarse whisper. He deserved it. 

Vegeta leaned forward and pressed against him, arms wrapping around him tightly, and then the ice was gently pushed in. 

Radditz' eyes flared wide as he screamed, his legs trying desperately to jerk together. _Oh gods! _It was so cold! He had thought nothing could be worse than that spicy oil, but this! It was so cold that it burned! He writhed and shuddered uncontrollably, straining against the raw burn within him and the bonds that held him. 

'But I deserved it…. I deserved this!'

It seared and yet it was also oddly pleasurable. Perhaps it was the drug that kept him high and hard, perhaps it was just him; perhaps he had not known that he could get off on this type of erotic torture. His groin throbbed as his hips rocked subconsciously, pearlescent fluid dribbling down an unsatisfied erection, dignity forgotten as he whimpered and arched and begged. He was so close he could weep with the frustration, balancing on the knife-edge of relief, precarious and sharp and painful. 

When the ice had melted and Radditz finally opened his eyes again, blood-shot from the tears that still speckled his lashes and dried on his cheeks, he was trembling in exhaustion. He still hurt and he still ached for release, but the initial unbearable icily biting flames had worn down to a thudding, slow, almost delightful burn. 

And immediately, he realized that something was wrong. 

Vegeta was still kneeling in front of him, rigid and white-lipped, anguished eyes wide open but not focused on him. His lips were moving slightly, and Radditz could just make out the faint, broken whisper. "Why? Why?"

"Vegeta-sama?" His throat was dry and raspy, and his concerned question came out harsher than he intended. 

Vegeta _looked_ at him. "Why did you do it, Radditz? I _trusted _you!"

Radditz recoiled and lowered his stare to the floor, ashamed to see the hurt he had caused to the one he loved. "I.. I didn't think you could ever want me. I didn't think I was worthy! It was not meant to be just another conquest; I love you!"

"Right. And you say that to every one of your lovers until the next one comes along." Vegeta gave a disbelieving snort. "I may be naïve but my senses are not dulled. I know what you do when you go out at night." 

"They don't mean anything, I mean I was trying to distract myself from you! I love you!" Radditz shook his head wildly, aware of how lame his excuses sounded as he pled hoarsely. Swallowing hard, he trailed off, "I only… I only wanted one night. I was obsessed with you and I didn't think and I was wrong…"

"You were my… I thought I could..." Suddenly, Vegeta slumped down, his righteous anger visibly bleeding out as he muttered brokenly in confusion, "Why does it still hurt? So I thought if I …got my revenge, it would stop…… But it didn't. Initially, it felt good when I hit you, when I hurt you, and I wanted more... But when you screamed, I… I… " 

"I deserved it," Radditz stated bitterly. 

"I thought you did, but…" The teenage prince drew deep uneven breaths, raising a shaking hand to tip Radditz' chin up and pushing back heavy, sweat-soaked bangs from his longhaired guard's face. Searching onyx eyes bore into guilt-ridden ones, confused and angry and grieving. "I can't… I hate you! You betrayed me, you bastard and I wanted revenge, and I wanted you to feel the hurt I did…" 

Slowly, Vegeta leaned forward, his voice cracking despondently as his grip tightened around handfuls of thick hair. 

"I wanted to hate you but I can't. Radditz, you bastard…"   

And pressed his lips against his startled captive's. 

Radditz drew in a startled breath, jumbled thoughts churning sluggishly, but somehow he managed to latch onto the most important line. 'Vegeta… doesn't hate me?' Dimly, he felt fingers fumbling on his abdomen, and he felt something fall off. Then his questions fled as those fingers wrapped around his erection, still painful and raw and neglected, and he arched back with a guttural groan. 

Vegeta's touch, the feel of silky-cool skin on his heated length, and the fact that it was Vegeta who was touching him, firmly stroking him, was beyond wonderful! Radditz couldn't hold out for long; he _didn't _want to hold out for long and he quickly climaxed with a shivering moan of sheer pleasure, his relief hard and so intense that he saw white sparks across his vision. 

'Vegeta doesn't hate me…' 

As he slumped forward, he felt strong arms catch him. He heard a few soft beeps and felt the heavy manacles that bound him fall off. "Thank you," Radditz breathed as he quickly brought his tired arms up around Vegeta desperately. 

His prince was terribly angry and hurt, but in the end, something had held him back. Vegeta had admitted that he didn't hate him; he held onto that hope desperately. Maybe everything would turn out all right, maybe Vegeta had…_would_ forgive him. Maybe he could have a chance to repair the damage he had so stupidly caused….

To his confusion, Vegeta pulled his arms away and pushed him firmly to sit down on the floor. Scared, Radditz opened his mouth to question but Vegeta shook his head and looked at him sadly. "Don't." His expression became distant as he pulled away. 

"Just …don't." 

"But I thought…?"

"Don't presume. You have no right," Vegeta said tiredly, standing up and stepping away from him, his tail wrapping neatly around his waist again. 

Radditz felt worried as the younger Saiyajin stood there staring at him, yet not seeming to focus on him, his hands clenched tightly. "Vegeta?" he ventured timidly.

"Radditz, I can't …forgive. I cannot afford to have a bodyguard whom I can't trust," Vegeta finally replied, his tone stiff and detached. "You're dismissed." 

'What? _No!_' Radditz was shattered. He remained seated and speechless in shock, dazed eyes following the prince's bared back as he walked toward the door. 

"I will probably take about a week to find a replacement." Vegeta did not even look back at him as he opened the door. "…I want you gone in a week." 

_'No!'_

Tbc…


	5. Radditz' POV

Author:              Kiarene

Pairings:            Radditz/Vegeta

Warnings:            AU, more angst, guard abuse, non-consensual situations

Disclaimer:            Don't own DBZ

Published:             4th October 2003

Archive?             Please ask first 

Many thanks to Lully for her meticulous reading and helpful suggestions!

'…thoughts...'__

// _…a (recently) past event… _//

Love Potion 5 

Slowly add thin strips of dried Yohimbe bark, one at a time, until the mixture turns a light mauve. Then remove from the flame and place it back in the water bath. Add two Quebracho leaves. Allow the mixture to simmer for an hour or two until the colour deepens to a deep purple. 

When Radditz regained consciousness, he found himself lying facedown on his bed. Turning over and wiping absently at the thin trail of drool on his chin, he grimaced at the sharp rays of sun that peeked through his half-drawn curtains. Without looking, his left hand flopped down to the side of his bed and groped around for a thick cord and pulled. He had rigged that a long time back so that he need not get up from his bed to draw the curtains.  

Closing his eyes with a bitter sigh as memories came flooding back, he attempted to resume his comatose state. 

For the rest of the day, he lay in his curtain-darkened room, sunk in a black depression. He couldn't summon the appetite to eat, or the energy to stir even his big toe out of bed. All he could do was to stare sightlessly at the insipid ceiling and replay what Vegeta told him over and over in his mind, each word searing like a hot brand. The sight of Vegeta's back as he walked away was burned into the back of his eyelids everytime he closed them. The final hiss of the door as it slid close…. He hated the sound now. 

Still, he had to move eventually.

When he came back from the bathroom, he was intending to crawl onto his bed again until his gaze fell onto the floor. He remembered how he had knelt on the carpet, but the bruises on his knees were insignificant compared to the ones he felt, weighing heavy in his heart. Remorse flooded him, replacing the dead apathy and grief, and he changed his mind. Instead, he sank down on the hard floor and closed his eyes again, pressing the back of his hand over his forehead. He deserved it, not his bed. It made him feel better, somewhat. 

He could not even find rest in unconsciousness. It was then that the desperate discipline of his mental walls broke down, and scattered memories and bone-deep yearning came out to play blood-sport with his mind.  

Yet, which was better? The harshness of reality, or the deluded trappings of his dreams? 

Fragmented visions of Vegeta tore deep into him like jagged pieces of a broken mirror, and sometimes, he could see reflected in the silvered shards images of warm affection past. 

Then the memories would dissolve like smoke on the wind, and he would slip gratefully into dreamless slumber. The respite didn't last long, and he found himself plagued again; but by fantasies not memories. 

A slender body moving and writhing against him, holding him, needing to be held. Soft moans and not cold words tripping from young lips. The prince's tongue a foreign flame upon his skin, calling to his nerves to the point he could still feel those wet touches searing in their wake, his entire body singing and whimpering in turn. 

**~**

Radditz woke the next day, thoughts and emotions awhirl. Unlike the self-pitying lethargy of the previous day, he was abruptly filled with a burning resolve. Dammit! If he truly wanted Vegeta, he would not simply give up! First, he needed a bath. Badly. Almost tumbling out of bed in his haste, he stumbled across to his bathroom, already planning the day in his mind. 

He would plead shamelessly for forgiveness, apologize and beg. Anything. Grovel and debase himself if necessary. Radditz ran through carefully planned speeches as he washed his thick hair. 

It was odd, though, that he had woken up in bed when he had fallen asleep on the floor the night before. But Radditz was too nervous to notice the significance of that passing observation and his mind once again turned to thoughts of Vegeta. He tossed outfit after outfit onto his rumpled bed, finally settling on simple black pants and dark green tank top that hugged his figure snugly. 

He spent the day trailing Vegeta, waiting for the chance to speak to him alone. It wasn't easy; it was obvious that the prince was trying to avoid him. The normally reclusive teenager sought out the company of his year-mates – children of Elites who were tutored together – and they were too happy with the crown prince's sudden attention to wonder at his uncharacteristic friendliness. Vegeta even ate dinner with his parents: something he normally loathed to do. 

The few times he managed to corner Vegeta alone, the prince's response was curt, vitriol dripping from his tone. "I don't want to talk about it. Go. Away." 

Yet, the mere fact that the prince hadn't beaten him up but simply walked away encouraged him. 

Radditz persevered, broken apologies and feeble explanations tripping forth as he ran after Vegeta. He forgot what he had planned to say in his nervousness; he only knew that Vegeta must _listen _to him. He refused to give up even though more than one door had been closed insistently in his face. 

At one point, he found himself leaning against the closed bathroom door as Vegeta showered, spilling thoughts that bubbled into his mind. 

"…always liked you, subconsciously, probably… Ever since Dad brought me to the palace so I could see where he worked and I saw you walking with your father – you were just a kid, I think only ten, but already you carried yourself like an adult – I was instantly fascinated with you. At first, it was because you were the prince and, of course, I was curious to find out more. Then, not long after, I graduated with no real idea of what to do. Then I thought maybe I'll try working in the military like Dad, and then I thought of you, and I thought maybe I'll try…" 

The door opened and he stumbled, face flushing as he realized belatedly that he had been rambling. Vegeta stood in the doorway frowning, steam billowing out. Radditz noticed that he was fully dressed, creamy skin damp and glistening slightly, wet hair sticking to his face and neck as he toweled his hair dry vigorously. Another sign that he had lost the prince's confidence: Vegeta used to be comfortable in his presence, never thinking twice about walking around his private apartments with just his shorts on.

"What is the point of this …asinine conversation? No, I take that back. It isn't even a conversation, just a brainless rambling on your part."  

"Uhh…" Radditz swallowed in embarrassment, trying to recollect his jumbled thoughts as he followed Vegeta. "It wasn't just a fling. Well, actually, I didn't really expect anything more because I know I'm unworthy, but what I was trying to say was it just wasn't some notch on my bedpost but something that started from way back..."

Vegeta turned around and he quailed under the incredulous glare. The part of him that was his Common Sense sat rocking in the back of his mind, moaning about digging deeper holes and burying its figurative hands as the rest of him ignored it and barreled on. "So what I mean to say is it wasn't a meaningless thing. I truly care for you but I thought I would never have the chance because I'm not in your social standing, and it was driving me crazy, so I thought…"

"So you thought that you could just fuck me and get it out of your system?" Vegeta injected coldly. 

Well, that _had_ been his intention… Worded that way, Radditz realized that it did make him seem like an extremely heartless bastard. His stomach clenched in guilt.

"No! I…"  

"Did you trick me then?" 

"No, I mean yes, I admit I did…" Radditz stuttered, eyes wide as he realized he was caught in his own lie. "But I…"

Vegeta pointed to his opened bedroom door. "Get out. Get the _fuck _out! I did not give you permission to enter my room." 

"But…"

"You admit that you lied to me? You were supposed to be my frie… my bodyguard, someone I've known for years and someone I should be able to trust! And I did, god damn you, I did trust you." 

"It was only once," Radditz insisted uncomfortably, weakly. 

"That's what you say, and why should I trust your word anymore?" Vegeta was seething now, face flushed in his rage. "I hate you." 

"Please…" Radditz shook his head, not sure what he was pleading for now. "Vegeta, I…"

"Out!" The younger male yelled, his ki spiking dangerously, and Radditz back-pedaled out of the room in fear. "I don't wish to talk to you anymore and I most certainly do not want you to talk to me anymore! I don't want to be subjected to your annoying presence anymore than I absolutely have to so leave me alone!"

When the heavy door hissed shut, it was almost anti-climatic after Vegeta's outburst. Radditz stared at the closed door for a long time, his hands clenching hard enough to leave red crescents in his palms. Finally, he closed his eyes tightly; head bowed in shame and hurt and abject despair. He had never felt so hopeless. 

"Sh~it!"

**~**

Radditz stared at the sturdy box dully for a long time, before he flipped the lid and fastened it. It had been four days since Vegeta found out. Four days since Vegeta told him to leave. Four days of pure hell. 

He couldn't do anything. He knew he should be packing and looking for somewhere to stay. He should be looking for a new job; he shouldn't have a problem with that, oddly enough. Vegeta hadn't said anything to anyone, only that he was looking for a new guard. The prince even gave him a glowing reference.

//

_"I may dislike you very strongly at the moment, but I can be logical and objective and put my current emotions aside and control myself." Radditz winced at the not-so-subtle barb and the frosty tones. "Your work was excellent and I do appreciate your years of service…"_

_"Then let me stay, please. I'm begging you__.  It won't ever happen again."_

_"I can't." A pause. "It won't work out. Don't ask me again." _

_Radditz didn't know what else he could say or do. His fight, his hopes__, just drained out of him and he could only stare blankly at the prince's face._

_Vegeta avoided his look as he placed a small data disc on the table. The prince appeared distant and apathetic. "My reference is inside. You should not have any problems finding a new employer. If you do, feel free to refer them to me."_

_He kept his gaze on Vegeta as the prince walked out, abruptly calling out softly, "I do love you." _

_Period to Comma..speech tag._

_But there was no indication that Vegeta had heard him at all._

//

He didn't want a good reference. He wanted…

He didn't know what he wanted now. He wanted Vegeta, but that was not possible. Ever. For numerous reasons, even if he hadn't screwed up. He wanted to stay on as Vegeta's bodyguard, but given that he could never have Vegeta, that was an eminently stupid idea. It was torment to stay on like this, but it would destroy him to leave. 

He just wanted this heartbreak to end. 

Sighing bitterly, he stood up and brought down another box from the top of his cupboard. Pulling open another drawer, he proceeded to methodically transfer the contents to the box. 

Perhaps it was better this way. Vegeta would never let him near again even if he retained his job, and really, it was more painful to stay on this way than to leave. To see the prince everyday, to know that he could never ever have even the smallest possibility of even regaining their previous easy relationship; it would be torture. He never suspected this masochistic streak in himself. 

And sooner or later, the prince would be looking for a mate, and that would surely kill him. Better to leave now, go somewhere far away – the other end of the galaxy sounded good at this moment – and never think about Vegeta again. 

Yeah, that sounded like an excellent idea. The best he apparently had in a long time. He remembered the exact point he crashed. The exact point when he realized that it was all hopeless, that Vegeta was _never_ going to forgive him, much less allow him to stay on. He had entered the front room after a long session in the training room earlier that day, only to stop in the opened door at the sound of the voices. 

"…I would prefer you to take your meals in the mess hall, but of course you are welcome to use my kitchen. I do not have live-in servants – security concerns – so you two will have to share clean up detail. Somebody will come in once a week to tidy up the place, and part of your duty – settle this between the two of you – will be to be here during that time to supervise." Vegeta emerged from the kitchen, his eyes flickering up briefly to glance in his direction before turning back to the person who followed him. 

A tall male, his face turned away. He was still dressed in the Guards' Blue, but Radditz knew with a sinking feeling that it wouldn't be for long. That …_bastard _must be his replacement. Then another male stepped out from the kitchen and he felt really sick. 

"Rad…" 

"Ditz!"  

"Kakarrot. Turles." He murmured dully in acknowledgment, and not wishing to stay a second longer, he turned and strode back to his room. It was rude but he really couldn't care less. Could his life get any worse? Getting replaced by his younger brothers! 

He pulled off his sweat-soaked clothing, snarling as it caught on his hair. A hard yank tore his shirt and he threw the ripped fabric onto the floor. Dammit! He knew it was coming; he knew he was getting replaced. He just hadn't expected it to be so …soon…. 

Four days. 

_That _was when it hit him, full in the face and directly in his gut, and his sullen, angry expression crumbled. This was it. It was time to stop deluding himself. He had had his chance and he screwed up. Badly. Time to pull his head out of his ass and …move on. 

While it was galling to be replaced by his younger twin brothers, he had to admit that there were no others better. Kakarrot and Turles were good, but what made them really stand out was their uncanny ability to coordinate with each other. As a team, they were unstoppable. Vegeta had made an excellent choice and he knew he could trust the prince's safety to them. 

Blinking back a suspicious hot prickling behind his eyelids, he forced his mind back to his task at hand and continued packing.   

~

His dreams that night were the same, yet different. 

For the past three nights, he had been haunted by dreams of Vegeta. Warm, fuzzy memories of happier times; shared gaffs on diplomatic missions, grueling training, familiar domestic habits. Sharp, yearning images of the prince; his hair rippling like a black flame when he tossed his head back, lean muscles flexing on the lithe body, lips curling up in that confident, sensual smirk. 

Wet – _dripping _perverted – and sizzling fantasies. Those were the worst. Sometimes they were smoky dreams as nebulous as the other fragmented dreams that plagued him. But sometimes they felt so real; he could almost taste Vegeta as he laved that sensitive spot just below the prince's jaw line, he could practically smell the stormy musk that sang of virility and readiness and _sex_. 

Yet, there was something different tonight. His previous dream shifted as he registered the quiet hiss of his bedroom door, and he found himself lying on his side, back to the door. Immediately, his senses sharpened as he abruptly became more aware of the younger male's presence. He had spent so much time obsessing and observing Vegeta that he knew the light tread of the other's footfalls and distinctive low thrum of the prince's aura. 

Vegeta came to him as he had for the previous nights, but his movements were slower, seemingly more pensive. Circling the foot of the bed, he hesitated for a moment before sitting down at the edge of the mattress. Vegeta remained unmoving and silent for an indeterminate time until Radditz finally turned slightly to face Vegeta, puzzled. "Vegeta?"

Radditz couldn't make out his expression at all; Vegeta was shrouded in shadow with a silvery backlit silhouette from the window and a heavy, brooding air hung around him. Finally, Vegeta shook his head and crawled across the bed. Immediately, Radditz opened his arms and they settled and curled around each other with the familiarity of long-time lovers. 

As he tilted his head to kiss Vegeta though, the younger shook his head again and murmured, "No… Just hold me." 

"All right."  Radditz wrapped his arms more tightly around the lithe body in his arms and buried his face in the thick hair. He did not understand what was happening – weren't wet dreams supposed to involve some movement and moaning? – but he did not care. Just Vegeta's mere presence was enough for him. 

"I'm sorry." Radditz knew that it was useless, that he was apologizing to the wrong person. Well, not really a person, he was apologizing to a fragment of his perverted imagination – or was it his conscience – but it felt cathartic. When Vegeta remained silent, he went on, his voice cracking.

"I was such an idiot. A selfish asshole, lecher scum, a _stupid_ idiot! Now, I don't know why I did it… I mean, I do know, but I don't know _how_ I could have done it. And I was stupid enough to think that it was some foolish lust-driven infatuation that I could get out of my system. I love you." Radditz gave a strangled, awful-sounding laugh.  "I love you, I love you… So how could I have deceived you?" 

Vegeta turned in his arms, and a hand came up to wipe at his wet cheeks. Radditz' breath hitched – when did he start crying? – and he pushed Vegeta's hand away gently, knowing that the tender gesture was close to pushing him over his breaking point. 

"I've been obsessing over you for so long, seeing you and living with you… living so _close _to you. It was an excruciating, sweet torture, so subtle and so insidious that it must have warped my mind and driven me insane. But that's just a stupid reason. There can be no excuse for what I did. You have every right to dismiss me; heck, you had every right to order my execution… You have every right to hate me." 

Another wave of dark guilt swamped him again and he purposely turned his mind to less depressing thoughts. "Do you know how often I watched you? I know all your little adorable habits, your favorite foods, what you eat, _how _you eat… Others think you're cold and arrogant, but I see a mature young male who's fiercely proud." 

Vegeta opened his mouth as if to say something, but then he closed it and looked down, an embarrassed expression on his face. Radditz gave a lopsided smile as he continued in the same quiet, sibilant whisper that people used in darkened rooms. 

"Yet, you're so much more than the haughty royal façade you wear outside. I like to watch you sleep – do you know you curl up and hold your tail sometimes when you sleep? I always thought the way you liked to cut your meat into little pieces first before eating was cute. The books you read, the type of music you like to listen to, what shirt you're most likely to wear if it's cold or sunny or cloudy… Shit, I sound like a psychotic stalker."

"No, no you don't. Sounds to me like you're really observant,"  Vegeta said softly, his head pillowed on Radditz' shoulder. "Devoted." 

"That's putting it mildly. I'm really crazy for you." Radditz' lips twisted in a forced, sardonic grin as he ran a hand over the hardened planes and gentle curves of his dream-lover, relishing the feel of the smooth cloth under his open hand. Vegeta tilted his head up and their eyes, glittering onyx darker than the shadows in the moonlit-drenched room and simmering with the fire of rampant emotions, caught. 

"I think I am too." 

And their lips met. A full, open kiss with none of the timid chastity of fumbling first-time lovers, but like the way they folded into each other's arms, it was with the easy and passionate intensity of long-time mates. 

"Why?" Vegeta asked when they finally broke apart. 

Radditz knew what he meant. "Because I didn't think you would want me." 

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you're the crown prince, I'm just a guard. You're more powerful than everyone else on the planet, save your father; you could have your pick of any lover. And one day, you will have to carry on the royal line, you have no choice." 

"But why didn't you try?" Vegeta asked in confusion.

Radditz was silent for a while before he finally replied, face reddening lightly. "It's silly really. I didn't want your rejection." Placing a finger on Vegeta's half-parted lips to forestall a denial, he went on. "Yeah, you might have taken me as a lover but for how long? How long could I hold your interest? I know it would be best if I left and never look back, but something just keeps drawing me back and I'm too weak to resist. And one day you will mate with someone of your rank and I don't think I can bear that."

His arms tightened around the slim figure fiercely. "I love you; you're mine."   

"Radditz…"

The tall guard gave a mocking bark of laughter. "Like I said, it was stupid. My mind says one thing, my heart says another and I'm torn and confused. You could never be mine, and it would be too painful if you were to leave me after we had spent time together as lovers. So I'm not even going to try, to get started on this road to heartbreak. But you know what the supreme irony is? I'm already on it. I'm already yours."

Vegeta's eyes widened at his simple, fervent proclamation. Then the prince sat up and pulled his top over his head in a quick, fluid motion. Something clattered to the floor along with the fabric, and then that lean body covered his. Radditz' lips were caught in another burning kiss and he was drowning, his senses swimming. 

If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up.  

Groaning, Radditz shifted without breaking the kiss until his legs were bracketing the prince's slim hips. His hands were busy running down Vegeta's bare back, stroking over the heated, satin skin and along the luxuriant fur of a lashing tail. Gods, it all felt so surreal and yet so real. The slide of skin on skin, the impossibly soft, moist lips that were crushed to his, the heady musk that wove around him… 

Suddenly, he remembered the clatter of something falling to the floor, and his eyes shot open with a gasp. Vegeta paused, hands clutching his long hair. "Radditz?"

Shakily, Radditz pushed himself to sit up and Vegeta pulled away to a kneeling position, a baffled look on his face. 

"This…" His voice was slightly frantic with twinned disbelief and desperate hope. "It feels too real. You can't really hear and smell and taste and _feel _in dreams…" 

Radditz lifted one hand to stroke the side of Vegeta's face. "This is not a dream, is it?"

Vegeta stared back at him, a horrified look on his face. 

Tbc…

A/N: Yohimbe comes from the bark of an African tree and Quebracho (Aspidosperma quebracho-blanco) is a South American herb. Both have been traditionally used as a stimulant and aphrodisiac in West Africa and South America, respectively The active compound found in both plants is the same; an alkaloid (stimulant similar to caffeine and ephedra) called yohimbine.


	6. Vegeta's POV

Author:              Kiarene

Pairings:            Radditz/Vegeta

Warnings:            AU, more angst, guard abuse, non-consensual situations

Disclaimer:            Don't own DBZ

Published:             26th October 2003

Archive?             Please ask first 

And finally, the last chapter. This story could never have been possible without Lully! Thanks for reading over and picking up my mistakes, and then further improving on what's already there. And thanks also for the inspiring conversations that eventually allowed me to work my way through the muddle of this story! *hugs* 

'…thoughts…'

**~ **         a passing of time

**~ ~ ~**   a longer passing of time

Love Potion 6 

Remove from heat, stirring all the while until the mixture becomes clear. Decant and bottle. 

In the harsh, bright light of day, or at least the bright lamps of the classroom, the situation seemed clear and straightforward to Vegeta: Radditz had wronged him badly and abused his trust. He could easily order Radditz' execution for his crime; he certainly had the jurisdiction to do so. And yet, thinking about such a punishment made him uneasy for reasons he dared not delve too deeply into. Surely it was only because he appreciated Radditz' years of excellent service.

He kept remembering how he had felt when he found out about Radditz' duplicity; he had felt absolutely furious, betrayed, but most of all, he felt _hurt_. To be tricked, to be _used_… 

To think he had thought – had naïvely, _stupidly _hoped – that it was something more…  

Was it only just yesterday? 

And yet, he also kept recalling the good times. The pain was raw and fresh, yes, but Radditz was also the person he was closest to; someone he cared for, someone he respected and confided in. Someone he realized he still respected. Someone he still cared for, someone he hadn't realized he cared _so_ deeply for.  

And so he had kept quiet, knowing that the truth, if it leaked out, would definitely ruin the guard's chances at future employment. Officially, his bodyguard had been feeling restless after being planet-bound for years and had wanted a change, and they were parting on perfectly amicable terms. So he claimed.

No. If he were to be brutally frank, it was more than just that. He had been furious, yes, but he couldn't really bear to …hurt Radditz. 

Maybe he had judged Radditz too harshly. Radditz was rough and roguish, but he _knew _the guard was honest and had been sincere about his remorse….

_No! _Vegeta snarled mentally in a flash of hot anger, his emotions snapping back to the other extreme. It was a serious breach of trust; it was practically rape! It was not a drunken night of debauchery or carelessness. And that trust was now irrevocably gone. As he had told Radditz, he could not afford to have a bodyguard he could not trust.  

Yet… 

Yet he felt terrible. Torn and hurt and so very confused. Why was it all so very difficult? This was just an isolated incident, a mere blip on their long relationship, and more often than not, he found himself thinking of the better times. After all, one incident does not define a person.

Vegeta hunched over his computer screen as he tuned out the droning of the lecturer, sinking his forehead into opened hands as his mind wandered back to Radditz again. While some of his year-mates around him were diligently taking notes and paying attention, most were ignoring the elderly Saiyajin in front and doing their own thing. His eyes flickered to the screen of the boy sitting beside him in wry amusement; Buroli was writing some torrid, smutty story again, fingers flying over the keyboard and pink tongue darting out occasionally to lick at the corner of his lips. 

On his part, the lecturer couldn't and wouldn't be bothered. They were the children of Elites: nobles and military brass and other important – and so very, _very_ busy – parents whom he knew better than to offend. Most of them were brilliant: good genes, strong breeding, only spoiled and coddled. 

"Want to read?" A low hiss from his side. 

Vegeta shook his head wearily. "Not today."

"Your loss. It's really steamy."

"What is it about again? A threesome sandwich between twins?" Vegeta sneered. "Oh, that's so new."

Buroli purred, dark eyes glazing with lust. 

"Most of your stories are the same!" Vegeta snorted. "Everyone knows of your fetish for twins." 

"Not all," Buroli defended himself. "I wrote about a triplet orgy once…"

"I don't particularly care," Vegeta cut in snidely and opened up his astrophysics homework on his computer in a blatant attempt to ignore the other boy. 

There was a short pause, and then Buroli said softly, "What's really up with you today, Vegeta?" 

"Nothing." Vegeta thought about it and changed his mind. It would be public knowledge soon anyway. "Actually, Radditz is leaving so I'm just preoccupied about hiring a new bodyguard. That's all. And don't ask me for more details." 

"Ah." 

Vegeta started on a routine calculation, tedious but rather straightforward. But when he realized his answer came out wrong for the fourth time in a row because the numbers in the column were starting to run into one another and he kept missing some, he closed the program with a snarl. 

"Hey…" Buroli whispered again. "Have you thought about who you're going to hire?" 

Vegeta bit back a scathing retort. The other boy knew he was clearly agitated and was only trying to help. When Vegeta remained silent, Buroli went on tentatively, "I heard the twins came out tops in the Guards' ranking this quarter."

"Twins?" 

The slim, pale-skinned boy nodded animatedly. "Yeah. Radditz' younger brothers, Kakarrot and Turles. They're going to graduate from Guards training soon. You really should consider them. They make a great team, and think about it, two bodyguards are much better than one. Plus, I know they work really, really well as a team." 

Vegeta remained skeptical. "And the fact that they are …twins …had nothing to do with your recommendation?"

"Well… I'll have to admit that fact caught my attention. But they _are _very good looking…" Buroli grinned shamelessly. He had probably spent hours staking out the Guards' locker rooms. "Very fu~ck~able."

"Why haven't you hired them then?" Vegeta asked curiously. 

"Me? I'm just a scientist's son. Nobody important. I don't rate a bodyguard." Buroli pouted, heavy lashes fluttering deprecatingly. That much was true. Buroli's father was brilliant and respected, but hardly a target. However, the deceptively slender and pretty young man didn't really need to hire bodyguards; he attracted protective, burly males like flies to honey.

"But if you don't snap them up soon, they'll get shipped off-planet to some godforsaken way station on the other side of the galaxy, and that would be such a waste indeed." 

"Indeed," Vegeta said dryly. "Do I really want you hanging about my quarters and drooling on my floor and generally making a pest of yourself after I hire them?"

"I wouldn't." Buroli looked affronted. "I am just giving you a suggestion. There's no need to be so insulting."

"I'll think about it." Vegeta snorted again, feeling slightly better after the banter. 

**~******

However, his thoughts for the remainder of the day were not of Radditz' replacement, but rather of the longhaired guard. 

He had never thought about Radditz in a sexual manner before this whole mess started. He had normal urges; he _had _noticed a couple of his year-mates in passing, but nothing like this. Nothing so …vivid, so lucid, so explicit… 

He remembered the dream. And then remembered that it _wasn't_ a dream.

So very …real.

Vegeta swallowed, unconsciously pressing his inner thighs together, and then cursed when he realized what he was doing. Cursing again, he looked down at the book he was supposed to be studying in dismay and slammed the book closed.

It was well past midnight but he was too keyed up to sleep. 

And now, he couldn't stop thinking about Radditz in that light. It was entirely the sneaky bastard's fault, defiling his body and corrupting his thoughts. He felt …raped. Not so much physically, but mentally. For the choice to decide who he lusted for, the _choice _ofwho he – dare he admit it? – cared for, had been supplanted. 

And yet, it had felt wonderful. It hadn't _really _felt like rape because it just felt so good. It wasn't rape… was it? Rape was about pain and force and being made to do something he didn't want… 

Or did he _want _it, subconsciously? He recalled his midnight excursion into Radditz' room to return the vial unhappily.

Just thinking about it aroused him, and Vegeta slid his chair back reluctantly. Leaning back, he freed his erection and started to stroke slowly. Blood rushed downward and suddenly, he did not want to think about ethical or psychological issues; all he wanted was … 

The feel of smooth, heated skin on his. The caress of soft lips. The press of hard muscle. On him, enveloping him, searing him…   

He hadn't known that sex could be like that: the warm intimacy, the indescribable pleasure, the _connection_…. Even the orgasms were different. Fuller. Rippling through him and engulfing him in an immense wave. 

Vegeta tilted his head back, eyes closed in a grimace as his right hand moved faster. He felt the familiar pounding rush that seemed to pool all the blood _down _there, his balls already pulling up in delicious tension, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't the same… 

It wasn't enough! 

Sitting up with a wide-eyed gasp, he pulled out a drawer in his desk and rummaged frantically for a small bag. He tipped the contents out on the table, small black discs clattering on top of his papers. Sifting through them, he found a mild sedative. It worked in the same manner as alcohol, relaxing inhibitions and confounding the senses – it would do. 

He was insane, he _knew _he was.

Maybe it was just a momentary, _overwhelming_ lust-attraction for Radditz because he was inexperienced. 

Maybe he just needed to satisfy his …curiosity. Collect some empirical data. 

Vegeta sneered at _that _excuse and swept up a disc. He was walking out of the door before he realized it, and then it was almost too late to think. 

He had a momentary pang of doubt when the door to Radditz' bedroom opened to his touch, the hiss sounding loud in the quiet stillness of the night, and then he looked in and saw the curled form on the floor. And then he found he didn't care. Any hesitation disappeared when he stepped into the room, the blanketing darkness seeming to muffle and hide his covert actions, and he suddenly understood why dark deeds were commonly done at night. There was a certain nerve-singing rush, where one feels invisible and invincible, and the temptation to indulge in that hidden curiosity becomes irresistible. 

He could have excused himself on a handful of logical, glib reasons, but he didn't. He couldn't. It was as if his body was moving of its own volition, and nothing existed but him and Radditz. 

He found himself moving across the room and then crouching over the guard; he heard the sibilant puff as he administered the sedative. Carefully, he lifted the heavy male onto the rumpled bed and stripped him. As he pulled his own clothes off, he wondered briefly at his momentary lapse of sanity. Perhaps it was the dark, or perhaps it was his anger that made him so bold. 

And perhaps it all didn't matter. Arousal and reckless abandon percolated through his nerves; he ceased to think, analyze, regret. He only wanted to feel and relish and savor. 

What mattered was now. Him. Them. 

The warmth of another body. The heavy tail that puffed as if startled when he slid into bed and then wrapped around his waist as he _flowed_ into the guard's embrace. It felt welcoming and it felt right and he closed his eyes with a purr and he lost himself.  

Soft muffled sounds and hungry movements. His touch. His presence. 

Nothing else. 

_Him_.

**~******

Vegeta awoke slowly, stretching languidly from an endorphin-soused sleep. For a few moments, the world looked sleep-blurred. He blinked, turning over, legs and tail twisting lazily to follow his upper half and absently draped an arm over a warm body as he wriggled in closer. 

Then he remembered where he was. What he had done. 

Saw the warm body he was curled against. _Saw_ who lay beside him.

His eyes widened and cleared, and he writhed away in panic from the tangle of limbs, scrambling off the bed in clumsy haste. Radditz was a heavy sleeper and did not awaken at the sudden movements; he simply turned over. Pausing only to gather his clothes, Vegeta ran out of the room, heart hammering. 

How… Why… 

He had even shocked himself speechless.

Quickly, he stepped into his shower, wanting to bathe and get dressed; to be _out _of the apartments before the guard awoke. The water was hot, almost scalding, but he didn't care; he wanted to purge the scent of the older male from his pores. To drive out the memories. 

Vegeta closed his eyes as bergamot-fragrant steam furled around him, the heavy pounding spray strangely calming. It worked; the scents of sex and sweat and Radditz no longer clung to him, and he started to calm down slightly after his panic-driven flight from the guard's bedroom. But it didn't – couldn't – erase the events of the previous night. 

_Why_? Because he wanted to. 

_How_? …All too easily, he admitted.

Finally turning off the shower, he reached for a towel. Vegeta shivered when he stepped out into the cooler bedroom, shivers that had nothing to do with the temperature. The small black discs on his table glinted dully in the morning light as if mocking him. Angrily, he swept them into the pouch and was about to throw it away when something held him back. 

Weak!  He scolded himself scornfully. He should have resisted such impulses, both last night and now, should have resisted them easily –- but he did not. 

He glared at the small pouch in his hand, but the same small, tempting thought that had crept in the previous night had apparently taken up permanent residence within him. Knowing he would regret it but unable to stop himself, he opened the lowest drawer in his desk and tossed the small bag into the far corner. 

_Just in case…. Just because._

He left his room furtively, further irritated by the fact that he was reduced to creeping around his own apartments. 

It certainly wasn't one of his better mornings. 

If anything, his nocturnal indulgence – he tried to convince himself it was an experiment, a fact-finding foray – left him even more confused than before. He felt fuzzy. Slow. Distracted. Was it due to a lack of sleep? No, it wasn't that. He had enjoyed a restful slumber, ironically. 

And that was what really disturbed him: how _good _his sleep was, how right it felt to curl up against another warm body, how utterly perfect it felt to fall asleep next to the larger guard. 

It was as if there was this huge itch, tingling under his skin and raising his hackles, but it wasn't a _bad _kind of itch. It was a sense of heightened awareness, but only for Radditz. He could tell when the guard neared – there was this certain scent – and he could _feel _Radditz' stare upon him. Whenever he turned around, his eyes zeroed in on the tall guard immediately, unerringly. Radditz was tall, his long hair unmistakable, but Vegeta hadn't really noticed before just how much time Radditz spent with him. Ire replaced embarrassment. Was Radditz _stalking _him?

Then again, Radditz was supposed to be his bodyguard, an inner voice pointed out slyly. He had no reason to blame the guard in this instance; he knew logically he was projecting his irritation onto Radditz' normal actions. 

Cranky and as tensed as an over-wound spring, he snapped back whenever Radditz approached him to try to talk and explain. Rebuffing him, as if to make up for his lack of will the night before, as if pushing him away now would make up for his failure to do so the night before. And poor Radditz backed off but not away, to hover at a distance. 

He knew what Radditz had been trying to tell him. Despite appearances, despite Radditz' clumsy but heartfelt words, he _had _listened to what Radditz said. 

But knowing and understanding didn't make forgiveness any easier. He wanted to blame Radditz; he _wanted _his righteous anger; he didn't want to have to be reasonable and see it from the other's point of view. 

He was _hurt_. Betrayed. Furious. He wanted it to be black and white, right or wrong, clear-cut, _obvious_. 

Yet, he could not deny the frisson of pleasure, ruthlessly quashed as soon as it bubbled up, when he had heard the soft words "I do love you", when he realized that Radditz did care for him greatly. And he could not deny that a small, tired part of him wanted to just give in, forgive, forget, sweep the whole shitty mess under the proverbial carpet and maybe then everything would go back to the way it was.  

That, of course, was stupid and utterly impossible. 

Vegeta snarled angrily as he paced in agitation around his room. It was late, but he couldn't seem to relax, much less sleep.

He had been reduced to hiding in his room. Oh, the irony! He, _he _was the wronged party here! Did Radditz think that some pretty words and groveling would smooth over that? His forgiveness, however slight, would imply his acceptance of what had been done to him. Which, he would not – _could _not – allow. He would not allow any of his peers, any Elite, to treat him so, much less a guard! He was the crown prince! 

Vegeta slowed down, steps faltering. A proud, confused, unhappy crown prince. 

As if manipulated by an outside source, he found himself opening that drawer and taking out the small pouch. The small black discs spilled onto the desk and though his hand hovered hesitantly above them, Vegeta's mind was already made up. 

**~ ~ ~**

"This is not a dream," Radditz asked as he lifted a hand. "Is it?" 

Vegeta stared at him, dazed and shocked and horrified. The air was molten, dragging heavily in Vegeta's lungs as he struggled for words.

Radditz' hand drifted down to settle ever so slowly over his upper arms, almost as if he were trying to trap a wary animal. Vegeta panicked momentarily when he realized that his arm was caught, but then the moment passed when he realized that that was the least of his problems now. Radditz' large hand had closed easily over Vegeta's thinner arms, the grip light but firm, and strangely enough, Vegeta didn't feel trapped.

The air was charged and taut between them; Radditz looked as if he were ready to pounce if Vegeta even twitched, his earlier lazy mood gone. His expression was intent, thoughtful; his demeanor changing, sharpening. Vegeta could almost see the flame of realization flicker in his eyes as the dark pupils widened, and then the flame flared, heavy brows drawing down determinedly.  

Now Vegeta panicked. He knew _then_ that he was well and truly ensnared. 

Not by physical force; nothing as simple as that. He was stronger than Radditz and if his ki suddenly spiked dangerously, troops would be breaking down the door to his apartment in minutes. No, he was trapped in a snare that was ironically, embarrassingly all his fault. 

He felt like looking down, away, anywhere but at that searching gaze. What could he do; what could he _say_? 

Instead, he lifted his chin defiantly and stared back.

For a long time it seemed, neither moved. Their breaths puffed faintly in the quiet room. Then Radditz' expression softened fractionally, but his grip tightened a little as he shifted closer. "Vegeta?" 

It might have been a contest of wills, to see who could hold out longer, but Vegeta already knew the outcome. He knew that Radditz would wait all night if he had to and that Radditz would follow him relentlessly if he tried to run, especially now that Radditz _knew_. Vegeta narrowed his eyes, trying to dredge up some resistance, but it was weak and false, faltering even as his lips turned further down in a sneer; he _knew _he would give in first, he knew he was already cracking.  

Abruptly, he looked away, shoulders sagging in defeat as he said in a small voice, "Let me go Radditz…" and when he heard the other's intake of breath to protest, he continued in a reluctant whisper, "I won't run." 

To his surprise, Radditz released his arm immediately. Vegeta glanced up, betraying his shock, and then he looked away again. How was he to explain… his presence? His actions? He didn't even – fully – understand _why _he had been doing _what _he had been doing. 

Truth. Just tell the truth, he decided. There had been too many half-truths and deceit between them, each afraid of the other; it was shameful and cowardly and stupid, and it got them nowhere except in trouble, nothing except heartache. Really, how much worse could it get?  

But, how could he start? Vegeta wetted his dry lips nervously. "I… You… you were right. This isn't a dream." 

Something furry brushed past the bared skin on his calf and he started. "So…" The tail coiled around his leg as Radditz leaned forward, his voice carrying the faint glimmer of hope. "You _came _to me."

Vegeta flushed, but he could not deny it. He gave a curt, mortified nod.

"But, I thought… I thought…" Radditz asked in confusion, tailing off. Then, "How?" 

The tail around his leg tightened and Vegeta focused on its bristling fur as he spoke. A simple question. It helped if he didn't face Radditz. "Mild sedatives." 

He heard a grunt and the rustling of bed linen as the tall guard shifted. "Why?"

"Why?" Vegeta echoed, his hands clenching hard. Oh, a hard question. 

Radditz waited patiently. 

"I'm not sure myself… It's…" Strangely, even though he had no idea what he would say, what he _could _say, once he started talking, the words just spilled out. "I don't know why, I don't know _what _you did, _if_ you did anything or maybe I'm just going crazy, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. About what happened." 

"The," Radditz asked hesitantly, "….sex?"

"Yes, no… I don't know. Maybe, yeah probably." Vegeta shook his head. Shrugged his shoulders helplessly as his own tail started lashing in frustration. It sounded so tawdry, so cheap, but what other reason could there be? He was uncomfortable with the alternative, with the possibility that it could be something deeper, something …unknown. An excuse as base as physical urges could be more easily dealt with, more easily controlled. He was a teenager – he _knew _all about base urges. 

"I don't know why I did it… Coming into your room at night that is. I… I wanted you…"  Vegeta's head snapped up, eyes flashing in warning as Radditz' expression became hopeful. "Don't get me wrong. And yet, I don't want you."

Radditz ignored him and scooted closer, even as Vegeta leaned back warily. "What do you mean, you don't want me?" A bit of his old, roguish confidence came back as he daringly laid his hand on the clearly skittish prince's thigh. 

Vegeta slapped the errant hand away sharply, though he did not move away. "Not this way, not like this."  

Radditz realized he had pushed beyond the limit of Vegeta's patience and did not try his luck again, though his gaze remained intent, his expression confused but patient, as if cajoling a high-strung wild animal. His tail crept ever so slightly further up Vegeta's thigh, but the prince was too agitated to notice.

"I've been forced into things that I don't want, or maybe I do. I. Don't. Know." Vegeta growled, crossing his arms. "I mean, us… we're close, very close…" he trailed off as he floundered with words and worse, emotional words that were embarrassing to even think about, much less admit out loud to the focus of that affection. Hurriedly, he went on, "I mean that's unavoidable; we practically _live _together, so it's not strange that we're close…" 

Vegeta thought that sounded even more stupid and turned a dark red. But he couldn't seem to stop now; the mortifying words just kept coming and the situation was careening wildly, rapidly, out of his control. He had carefully avoided thinking about such things for the past few days, repressing, excusing himself. It was strange how the mind could work sometimes – he wanted this: this intimacy and him, Radditz, in particular. Yet he didn't want it as well – it was like a betrayal of his principles, like he was some slut that couldn't get enough once given a taste, and it was all distracting him, tearing him apart, driving him _crazy_. So he carefully did _not_ think about it. 

But was that really all there was to it? Or could there be something more?

So he had locked it, whatever _it_ was, away under the icy slopes of his towering anger, only now all that was calving away in raw, jagged glaciers; and he was caught, sliding and falling with the avalanche.

Yet, dare he…?

"…and I think that I have… I _might_ have… deep feelings for you." Vegeta realized, belatedly, that he was still babbling away. His eyes flickered uneasily to Radditz' face and away and back again. "Maybe it might have sparked into something more between us…"

A gamut of expressions ran across the older male's face as Vegeta spoke: delighted surprise, followed rapidly by a guilty wince and then, raw, hopeless pain when he realized the full extent of his folly. 

"Maybe you coerced me, maybe not. Maybe, deep down inside, I wanted it too. Or maybe I didn't." Vegeta paused. _That _was a very uncomfortable point for him, one he struggled with reluctantly. Such drugs only lowered his inhibitions; thus, following that line of reasoning, he must have _wanted _it, even if only the tiniest bit.

Radditz shook his head fervently, his voice raspy, suddenly understanding. "No Vegeta, it….it doesn't work like that." 

"Yes, well, the point is, I was never given the choice," Vegeta snapped back angrily. There was a tense silence as Vegeta glared at Radditz while Radditz tried to hold the accusing look bravely and only ended up looking as if he was facing the death row, face pale and eyes defeated. 

"And the point is, also, that what's done is done," Vegeta's voice was rising in agitation now, his fingers tugging fretfully at the bedcovers. "It can't be undone. I could go on blaming you, wondering at what might have been, wishing that it all never happened, but all that is moot! What _use _is this anger when _I _feel no better even after blaming you?"

He paused, breathing erratic and pupils dilated in a thunderbolt of amazement as he abruptly realized what he had said. Yet, the odd thing was he also realized at the same time that it wasn't a sudden flash of revelation. He _had _probably known this somewhere along the way when he had let go of that fury and come looking for Radditz at night; it just hadn't sunk in fully and he continued to be angry the next morning in a frustrating cycle. 

A small part of Vegeta's mind wondered irrelevantly why there wasn't something dramatic to mark such moments where lives were supposed to change – some big bright light, fireworks, tears, laughter, orgasm. Whatever.  

Instead, the revelation came quietly, very quietly, and it softly stole over him like the realization of growing warmth. And he felt so much lighter, relieved, _calmer_,for it.

"So," Radditz asked slowly, carefully. His eyes were wide, his posture still uncertain as he unconsciously held his palms out. "You …forgive me?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know," Vegeta said, brows knitting darkly. "Look, I'm still angry – very angry – at you. I still have my pride, I could still have my pride and anger…" 

Which made for very cold, poor bed partners, he admitted privately. And suddenly, the situation seemed very simple, very clear, so very obvious to him, now that he had let go. 

"…or I could accept this fucked-up situation. Make the best of it, move on," Vegeta whispered. And leaned forward on an impulse, catching the startled guard's lips in a clumsy kiss. 

That felt just about right, Vegeta discovered. 

Rapidly, he squirmed closer until Radditz fell back and he was lying half-draped over the taller male's body. 

"Move on," Radditz echoed dazedly.

"Yes," Vegeta breathed. It was a _good _impulse, he decided. "Move on. See if there's something more." And _melted _against the stunned guard. 

The abrupt change of mood in the room was surprising. Or perhaps not. Vegeta couldn't really care less now. He was occupied – much more pleasantly so – with Radditz' lips. 

After his initial shock, which perhaps lasted a couple of heartbeats, Radditz reciprocated eagerly. And then Vegeta _really _couldn't think, only feel and touch and writhe. He couldn't do much else really since his brains were draining into his balls and threatening to come out in his pants. 

Radditz pulled back to peel off his clothing, a devilish grin dancing upon swollen and slick lips. "Oh, there will be," he promised.

Vegeta frowned at such impudence. "This doesn't mean I've forgiven you. I'm still mad at you."

"I know." Radditz nodded solemnly and kissed the prince soundly on the lips. "You have every right to be." 

"You're laughing at me." Vegeta cuffed him on the side of his head. But not that hard.

"Oh no, I'm perfectly serious my prince." A softer kiss, and then Radditz reared up, resting on his forearms, his expression sober. "Believe me, this is no laughing matter. I… I love you."   

Faint color dusted Vegeta's cheeks and he shifted in slight embarssment. "I… Radditz…" Feelings and emotions were really _not _something a teenage male felt comfortable talking about. 

"I know that I'm not the best – I'm just your guard and your parents won't approve," Radditz swallowed, faltering, his earlier bravado was gone. "But I…"

"But nothing," Vegeta said firmly, laying a finger across the startled male's lips. "I _am _the crown prince and by the time I have to decide, I will probably be king so I can do whatever I want."

Radditz snorted at that arrogant and blatant lie, and Vegeta sneered. The irony was that restrictions increased in proportion with status and the royal family were literally, _liberally_ bound. A guilded cage, but a cage nonetheless. 

"I just don't want to think about all that now, I don't _care_ about all that now." Vegeta gave a sultry smile and his tail snaked out to trail meaningfully down the side of Radditz' cheek. 

Radditz' breath emptied in a thin moan as the furry tip flicked across his nose, eyelids drooping and lips curling in a smirk. Turning his head slightly, he caught the tail between his teeth carefully. And _licked_. 

Vegeta gave a tiny purr in response, and Radditz lowered his head to trap the shivering tail between them. An open, slow kiss. The juxtaposition of the sleepy-lazy glide of slick tongues and a thick, rough tail; it was all incredibly erotic. Arms wrapped around the other, pressing skin to hot skin closer, tighter. 

"Fuck me now," Vegeta demanded roughly when Radditz finally pulled back, his tail slipping down to lie limply on the bed, writhing shamelessly. His hands moved to cup Radditz' buttocks – firm and _just _the perfect handful, he noted absently – and circled insistently. "_Now_."

"Not yet." Radditz grinned, easily pinning his wrists to the bed and the guard slithered down. 

"Rad~ditz…" Oh fuck. Was he _whining_? His eyes crossed in pleasure and then he really couldn't care less. "Oh yes oh yes oh fuck, Radditz…"  

"Still want me to stop?"

"You're evil." A long breathess groan, eyes fluttering close as he arched _against _the other, wanting _more_. 

"Wicked," he declared dreamily. 

"Mmhm," Radditz agreed, mouth occupied, and Vegeta sighed wordlessly and let himself be touched and tasted and opened and owned.

**~ ~ ~**

**~  ~**

**~******

Vegeta paused as the Marquis shifted uncomfortably, yet again. The taller man's pale skin was flushed red and he fanned himself agitatedly, yet somehow still gracefully, with the folded program. "Are you feeling all right?" he inquired politely.

"Well, actually," the Marquis replied, flustered. And shifted again. "No, no, I think I'm not. Perhaps I'm not used to the heat on your planet…"  His eyes suddenly threatened to cross and his next words spilled out in a hurry. "Vegetasei is _lovely_, simply gorgeous, and it has been especially _delightful _meeting you. But I am a tad fatigued from my journey and perhaps I should retire now. Shall I see you tomorrow to continue our conversation?"  

"I'm sorry to hear that. Tomorrow then," Vegeta said graciously. He watched as the tall blond man bowed and left with a dramatic swirl of his cloak, a suspicion forming in his mind.

"Vegetasei is _lov~er~ly_, sim~ply _gorgeous_…." A voice simpered behind him, and he _knew _his suspicion was right. 

Turning his head slightly, he acknowledged his bodyguard and jealous lover of some months with a small smirk. "What did you do to him, Radditz?"

"Me? What makes you think I did anything to him?" The tall guard's eyes were wide and bright, almost twinkling, as he followed the prince. The pair left the throne-room as they spoke softly, turning towards the direction of the prince's apartments. _Their _apartments.  

"Oh, so he _really _was feeling the effects of Vegetasei's heat?" Vegeta's eyes grew wide and earnest as well. "Poor guy, perhaps I should see to his welfare; he _is _our guest after all and …"

"And don't you dare Vegeta," Radditz growled possessively as he pushed the smaller figure against the wall. "I admit I did do something to him, nothing harmful I assure you, but he was _hitting_ on you!" 

"Oh?" Vegeta purred as he squirmed, loving the press of the hot, hard body against his. 

"It has been _de~light~ful _meeting you," Radditz fluttered his lashes coyly. And then made a retching noise. "What a ponce…no, a faerie!"

Vegeta threw his head back at that and burst out in laughter. "Faerie?"

"I mean, just _look _at him. He's so pale and delicate, so.. so _blond_. It's unnatural." Radditz rolled his eyes.  

"And so pretty," Vegeta agreed. Yes, the reference to the old folk legends seemed appropriate. The Marquis had looked just like one of the ethereal figures from his childish story books. "Just like a faerie."

Radditz scowled. "You think he's pretty?" 

"Mmm," Vegeta considered thoughfully. "Very, very pretty." 

"But he's …" Radditz looked stricken and Vegeta immediately felt guilty. While it was amusing to tease Radditz when he got jealous, highly flattering really, Vegeta knew it was because the guard felt insecure. 

"But he's not my type," Vegeta cut in firmly. 

"He's so effeminate, not a warrior at all," Radditz added, frowning. "And… what's your type?"

"Tall, brawny – he's got to be _defined_," Vegeta grinned. "Long hair, thick and messy and luxuriant hair, now that turns me on too." He lifted a hand to Radditz' chin and pushed the guard's head from side to side as he spoke. "Someone rugged. With a certain roguish charm; someone who gets what he wants, by any means possible." 

Radditz flushed, leaning his forehead against the prince with a rueful laugh. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Never." Vegeta twisted his face away and nipped the other on the chin playfully. "If anyone asks me how we got together, I'll say you used underhanded tactics. I'll say you used a love potion." 

"Mmmm…." Radditz purred, a vibrating rumble of deep contentment. "Mine." 

"Mmmhmm…"

Finally, Radditz pushed away from the wall. As they started walking again, Radditz pulled Vegeta snugly against his side, draping an arm and tail over the smaller figure. "Even now, I still wonder how you put up with such an unreasonable lover." 

"You manage to distract me well with your other, more favorable, attributes," Vegeta deadpanned as he patted the well-built guard all over. 

"So I'm just a fuck-toy to you?" 

"Yep." A lingering grope, a smirking grin. And smoldering dark eyes that said what he really meant to say.  

Radditz became pensive. "Sometimes I wonder how we're…"

"Hush. We're still here, aren't we?" 

A silence. Then slowly, Radditz smiled. "Yes, yes we are." 

**~******

A laugh. "So tell me, what did you do to the Marquis?" 

"…itching powder." 

**~*~ The End ~*~**


End file.
